Your Highness (2011)

I was sad to hear about the passing of writer/actor Ben Best, who helped create two of my favorite comedies, THE FOOT FIST WAY and EASTBOUND AND DOWN, as well as a movie that has a much smaller fanbase…

Director: David Gordon Green
Stars: Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman

IS THERE A PLOT?

A lazy, spoiled prince living in the shadow of his older, braver brother is forced to go on a magical quest to prevent the The F*ckening.

WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?

Have you ever watched a movie and felt it was made just for you?

I saw YOUR HIGHNESS at a packed screening back in 2011 and very distinctly remember being the only person in the audience enjoying it. There were some polite chuckles upfront, but the film clearly lost everyone pretty early on. (Probably around the time Danny McBride, accused of sleeping with the Dwarf King’s wife, admits that it was only “heavy petting with a brief moment of penetration.”) Yet there I was, the sole person laughing hysterically at every stupid stoner joke, every silly fantasy reference, every time Prince Thadeous said the word “buttf*ck”.

I can still remember the poor, terrified studio rep afterwards asking everyone what they thought.

“Candidate for worst movie I’ve ever seen” – Random Critic

“I didn’t pay anything and I still want my money back.” – Random Audience Member

“DISTILL THIS MOVIE INTO LIQUID FORM SO I CAN TAKE A BATH IN IT DAILY.” – Me

Your Highness quest — *I don’t know the name of the band, but this may be the greatest album cover of all time.*

They had to know the target audience for YOUR HIGHNESS was small, right? HBO’s EASTBOUND AND DOWN was at the height of its popularity, but I don’t know how many fans of that show were clamoring for Danny McBride, David Gordon Green and Ben Best to follow it up with a stoner sword-and-sorcery epic. I can’t imagine there’s a huge demographic of people in this world that would pay to see a highly R-rated comedic spin on KRULL and EXCALIBUR that’s chock full of dick and weed jokes. I don’t even think Universal was surprised that YOUR HIGHNESS was critically reviled and commercially rejected upon release.

Which leaves you to wonder—why would any studio in their right mind not only greenlight this, but give it a $50 million budget? The answer lies in the 2008 Writer’s Guild strike, the result of which left a serious void of content in Hollywood, with everyone scrambling to find projects to fast track and salvage the next two years of release dates. McBride, Green and Best went to Universal and pitched them a fantastical genre mashup involving “swords and cocks” and somehow were given the go-ahead, sneaking it in at just the perfect time. So if it seems like it’s a miracle YOUR HIGHNESS even exists, it’s because it truly is.

Your Highness Courtney — *Everyone was impressed with Courtney’s Renee Zellweger impression.*

As dumb as this movie may be, it really works as a fantasy film in surprisingly smart ways. The creators totally understand the genre—the tropes, the visual elements, the expected character archetypes—and use that to turn them on their heads for maximum effect. (The fact that the climactic celestial event is referred to in utmost seriousness throughout the film as “The Fuckening” will never not make me giggle.) And with its amazing practical effects and international locations, it really feels epic in scale and just a loving homage to sword-and-sorcery films rather than a parody, which I think is an important distinction. It’s also not afraid to get super weird with it when appropriate, like with Marteetee’s handy monster or Leezar’s triplet mothers.

The writer’s strike must’ve also left a lot of actors and actresses with vacancies in the schedules, because there is a surprising amount of star power here. Instead of McBride and Franco’s typical funny friends, you get a number of serious performers, most of whom were not known for their comedy. There’s Justin Theroux’s sexually inexperienced wizard villain, Zooey Deschanel’s sheltered damsel in distress, GAME OF THRONE’s Charles Dance as Thadeous’ constantly disappointed father, and Toby Jones, who bravely goes full frontal (sort of).

However, no one delivers a more shocking turn in YOUR HIGHNESS than Natalie Portman, who clearly regrets every second she spent on set. The Oscar winner definitely did this for the paycheck (allegedly in order to self-fund BLACK SWAN), but she still gives a solid performance as a fellow warrior on her own quest for vengeance and an utterly unbelievable romantic foil for Danny McBride. McBride and Best know exactly what a coup it is to have Portman’s participation and they waste no opportunity to give her some amazing lines, such as:

“It is my legacy to stop anyone who wants to fuck to make dragons!”

– or –

“That feeling is all too familiar. It’s been burning in my beaver since the day I lost my brothers.”

Just absolutely incredible.

As for McBride, he pretty much plays the exact same character he’s come to be famous for: an overly confident blowhard whose obsession with dick jokes and bodily fluids masks a deeper, darker sadness. Franco, meanwhile, is entirely unconvincing as a medieval prince and constantly struggles with his accent, but his heartfelt swagger is perfect for the character. Together, the two have a nice dynamic and create a genuine relationship between the two brothers that’s more successful than either of the film’s romantic subplots.

Zooey Deschanel licked — *Although after seeing Zooey Deschanel’s role, maybe Portman’s part wasn’t so bad.*

I just love that all of the above—the expansive production, the lofty thespians, hundreds of man hours of creature effects—are all in service of something that’s just downright stupid. Most of the jokes in YOUR HIGHNESS are juvenile, crass and silly at best, with the whole thing feeling like something a middle school kid would dream up after watching MONTY PYTHON and LORD OF THE RINGS in the same weekend. Not all the gags are winners, but there’s so much I love about this movie.

The dedication to the period setting, with just the right amount of anachronisms, like James Franco yelling “F*ck yeah!” when showing everyone he vanquished a Cyclops
Zooey Deschanel as a princess who’s been locked away in a tower since birth and is just as stupid and horny as you’d expect
Pretty much every strange choice Justin Theroux makes as the film’s villain, but especially him crushing a fairy in to a fine powder so he can snort it
The hilariously understated reactions of Danny McBride’s mistreated manservant Courtney
Simon the mechanical bird, clearly a loving nod to Bubo the owl from CLASH OF THE TITANS
The creepy Great Wize Wizard puppet, who Thadeous quickly realizes has been molesting Fabious since he was a child—seriously one of the darkest recurring jokes in any studio film
And, of course, the bravery of a movie to finally depict a Minotaur with realistic genitalia, one of the high points of cinema

James Franco Cyclops — *I really wish movies would stop killing off Cyclops in the first act.*

For these, and many other reasons, YOUR HIGHNESS still holds up for me 10 years later. (God, we’re getting so old.) I will forever be disappointed that we never got to see the teased sequel where Thadeous goes on a quest to break the curse of Isabel’s chastity belt, but understand that I may be the only one.