What the hell? Alice in Wonderland about to cross $1 billion

Best known as “the movie that turned me off from upconverted 3D forever,” Tim Burton’s ALICE IN WONDERLAND is about to cross the $1 BILLION threshold worldwide. What the…?

I knew the film did well here (it made $332M), but it put up HUGE numbers overseas, hauling in $667M, bringing it to a plateau that only five other movies have ever reached (AVATAR, TITANIC, LOTR:ROTK, THE DARK KNIGHT, PIRATES: DEAD MAN’S CHEST).

I’d say bravo for Burton and the studio on the accomplishment, but f*ck that. ALICE to me was everything that’s wrong with modern movies. It was a hackjob on a classic story from a director that USED to be original and creative. He tried to make it dark and edgy, but it was all just pretty pointless, and all the while it was milking the audience for cash with a sloppy, half-assed 3D conversion, without which it wouldn’t have gotten anywhere near these numbers. Of all the movies that should cross a billion, this is by far the least deserving.

And you know what this means. Any movie that makes that much money is bound to get a sequel (outside of TITANIC for obvious reasons, but even that’s getting a 3D conversion), so I’m sure we’ll see some other poorly conceived ALICE story in the coming years. Oh boy.