TV Review: Scream Queens (Season 1, Episode 7)

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

EPISODE: BEWARE OF YOUNG GIRLS

THE APPETIZER: Dean Munsch overcomes an exhumed skeleton from her past. Meanwhile, the Kappa sisters summon the spirit of Chanel #2, via Ouija board, in order to find out who the killers are.

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW. IF YOU'VE NOT SEEN THIS EPISODE, STOP READING HERE!

THE ENTREE: Welcome the f*ck back! Following a 3-part Halloween stretch that culminated in a swell Seven Minutes in Hell, we now return to the Kappa House after a one-week respite to heed the sub-titular admonition "Beware of Young Girls." Wise advice, if ever there was. Too bad the episode on whole was diametrically dumb! The action starts with a rather belated wake for Chanel #2, who #1 hilariously berates as a "dumb dead whore" before storming out of her own thrown event. This impels #5 to extend the Ouija board she found in the basement, which our harried harem of Chanels encircle and employ in order to contact #2. And the message the not-so dearly departed has to communicate? Chad is cheating! Chanel quickly confronts her unfaithful frat-boy lummox, only to find the f*cker spinning a story about the apparent sex-goat he has in his room merely being a purveyor of lactose-free milk. Ridiculous. However, later on, when asking the Ouija board who the killer is, the communicative spirit points clearly to Chanel #1. So what do the remaining disciples dare do about it? They hatch a plan to ice the conniving bitch for good!

Elsewhere, Gigi makes a return to the fold after a suspicious absence two weeks ago. We overhear her plotting ass on the phone, talking to her ostensible accomplice, claiming she must throw off their scent and cover their tracks. And she implores more death! What this all amounts to is anyone's guess right now, but it's hard to think anyone other than Gigi and Boone are the two killers. I still say it's some sort of subterfuge though at this time. Here Gigi puts Grace and Pete on the path of an old Kappa house alumna named Feather. Turns out Feather clean broke up Dean Munsch's marriage years ago by boning her hubby. When said Beatles-crooning Mr. Munsch turned up dead shortly after, an unresolved game of she-said she-said between Munsch and Feather left the investigation at a standstill. So how does Gigi know about all this? Why does she point Grace and Pete in that direction? Well, whatever the case, Munsch ends up being strapped in a straight jacket and whisked away to a mental hospital, which she actually enjoys as a cushy convalescent retreat. Even more pleased she is when her scheme to frame and incarcerate Feather, aided by a literal bunch of bologna, works like a charm.

Too bad the same can't be said for this chapter as a whole. First off, this is the first episode of Scream Queens not to offer a murder of any kind. Inexcusable. As a result, there's very little blood and gore of note. There's really one instance, a flashback no less, in which we're treated to some blood-smeared directions scrawled on some doors and walls that lead to a practically bloodless severed head floating in a fish tank. That's it. That's all the gruesome goodies we got this week. A real bummer. Hell, even the nasty notion of the Chanels forming a coup to lethally overthrow their leader (by poisoning her Prunex) was somewhat sappily scrapped in favor of a teen-gang Nancy Drew reunion. See, Chanel #1 knows Feather wasn't the killer, knows Munsch is up to no good, and vows to keep her sisters in good graces as they group together to find the killer. It seems Chanel knows what we as an audience eventually suss…that the entire Feather storyline most of this week was devoted to was little more than red-herring in what ultimately amounts to a weakly padded episode of fluff and filler.

Don't get it twisted though, I did dig the bits involving the Ouija, if for no other reason than my own personal nostalgic reminiscing of the 80s cheese-fest WITCHBOARD. I used to love watching that one as a kid. I also dug the sly jab at the recent movie OUIJA and its paltry box-office bow. But for all the murderous momentum gained from Seven Minutes in Hell two weeks ago, a massive step backwards here halted what could have been a stride-finding return after a week off air. No killing, no consequential grue, no real moments of terror or titillation to speak of. I suppose you can call it an inevitable lull in a rollercoaster ride where a low point must follow a high one. At least I hope so, for by that logic, we shall still await to be taken to daring new heights of whodunit horror in the final five weeks of Scream Queens season 1. If not, I'll be screaming at the TV with a far more rancorous pitch than a fearful one!

KILL OF THE WEEK: Not a single body to speak of. Disappointing.

BLOOD & GORE:

• Blood scrawled on doors and walls.
• A severed head in a fish tank.

MOST PLAUSIBLE SUSPECTS: It's all just one giant finger-pointing contest at this point. Dean Munsch seamed of primary suspicion this week, but there's no way in credible hell that Munsch is a 60 year old chainsaw wielding mass murderer, no matter how much of a past she has with the Kappa house. The girls think Chanel could be the killer, but that's dubious. Munsch fingered Feather (ooh that's hot!) as the culprit, but that's hogwash. Nope, we need to figure out who's on the other end of that Gigi phone line. If not Boone, who is it?