TV Review: Scream Queens (Season 1, Episode 5)

Last Updated on August 2, 2021

EPISODE: PUMPKIN PATCH

THE APPETIZER: With Zayday still in the kidnapper's clutch and growing tension between the Chanels coming to a head, Dean Munsch cancels Halloween and mandates a curfew. But that ain't stopping Red Devils from striking in the night!

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW. IF YOU'VE NOT SEEN THIS EPISODE YET, STOP READING HERE!

THE ENTREE: So after last week left a relatively bad taste in our mouths following a delectable first three courses, we're now taken away from the tricks of Haunted House and into the much more fertile treats of Pumpkin Patch, the second of a three-part Halloween event of Scream Queens. I'm glad to say this episode got back on track after a bit of an awkward derailment last time out. We scoop where we left it, with Chanel planning an extravagant pumpkin patch fundraiser to rival that of Zayday's haunted house. But remember, Zayday's still missing, and with Dean Muncsh canceling Halloween and installing a curfew, that throws a serious f*cking wrench in Chanel's festivity, which she wants to pattern after THE SHINING's snowbound hedge-maze. Kudos, even if she's quite possibly the most wretched person who ever lived. Chanel #2 and Poo Belly are starting to feel similar about their leader, and even form a coup to overthrow the snobby little bitch. Yup, #5 even sings to the coppers that she killed Ms. Bean which gets her bony ass locked up in the hoosegow. But does any of this motivate murder? I mean on either of the Chanels end, not just some random golf-derelict who gets disemboweled with pruning shears in the maze.

Apparently Zayday does, motivate murder that is. See, when we find her cooped up in a dungeon-pit like she was at Buffalo Bill's house (another nice nod), we soon learn one of the Red Devil's has a hankering for the sexy gal. Even plays bad 80s pop-romance hits and serves her favorite Oakland Nachos dish. When Grace, Pete and papa Wes – the latter with a fresh pair of blue-balls after being interrupted pre-coitus with Gigi – trace Zayday's cell-phone and track to the aforementioned place of hostage, they're a tad too late to do anything. Well, other than get spooked by a blood-splayed lair full of meat-hooks and masks, dank and musty corridors. Gigi and Hemphill are also present, paired off to scope the place. When the lights go out and the two are left in the vulnerable night-vision eye of the Devil, quick moves are made. Hemphill tases Gigi in the tits, Gigi turns around and tases Red Devil in the dome. When Denise goes for the others to check the place out, they come back to find Gigi – much like Piper in Scream – conveniently bumped on the head with the killer nowhere in sight. This to me raised instant flags, as has Gigi the entire series so far. More on that in a second. In the end though, Zayday makes a daring escape after jousting the Red Devil in the hand with a fork.

Back to Gigi. What the f*ck is going on here? At the end of last episode, the final shot revealed her to be at least kindred with the so-called black hag who likely raised the bathtub baby. Okay. Now, at the end of this episode – somewhat predictably for reasons mentioned above – it is revealed that Gigi is clearly in cahoots with The Red Devil, exhorting her other half not to be so over the top with the histrionics. Could this be Boone? Doesn't it have to be? We've yet to see him make an appearance since being scooped up in the morgue by his accomplice. Could there be more Red Devils? If it is indeed Boone and Gigi, how do they relate? His he her son? We know the tub baby has to be around Boone's age, a likely 20-year old sophomore or junior. I will say it's awfully difficult at this juncture, with 10 episodes left, to call a credible suspect. Part of that this blatant f*ckery going on with the writers, and part of it has to do with the fact that no major characters are dying off, which also detracts from the emotional impact of the show. When random stragglers and passersby are the ones get gorily felled – not core characters – it's that much harder to dwindle down suspects on one hand, and just as hard to emotionally connect on the other.

That said, I think Pumpkin Patch got back to striking the right balance between horror, humor, mystery, camp, kitsch and overall entertainment. No awkward one-offs and head-scratching non-sequiturs like last time. While I do think there wasn't quite the level of gore needed (next week promises the motherlode), the few stints of slash-work were done quite stylishly and with good amounts of tension. The maze scene, the night-vision scene, the gnarly lair Red Devil is rocking, all solid stuff after a lackluster last week. And while I'm not quite ready to accept that Gigi and Boone are the end-all-be-all killer culprits, I am glad they at least further implicated the angling female after last week's reveal. To drop that altogether like they've sort of done Boone so far (he'll be back for the last 10 episodes), would have only added to the confusion. Now I feel a little sturdier, a little more trustworthy to walk the plank of insanity that this show hoists weekly. But in order to be more involving, a key character or two better die off in short order.

KILL OF THE WEEK: One of Chanel #5's spit-roasting golf dudes gets chased through the snowy SHINING maze and is gutted like a sturgeon. His intestines dangle.

BLOOD & GORE:

• Desiccated entrails from a gutted frat boy.
• Blood smeared on the walls of the Devil's lair.
• Hand stabbed with a fork.

MOST PLAUSIBLE SUSPECTS: Well these f*ckers are obviously toying with us. I've read online that the true killers' identity won't be revealed until the final episode, week 15. Well, what then can be made of Gigi consorting with the Red Devil, likely to be Boone who's been MIA since being unsealed from the body-bag? At this time, all overt signs right there way. After week 5, most plausible suspects doubles as a WTF moment!