Topless females in
horror movies have become a staple in the genre. In a way, boob shots in
horror have not only become overly gratuitous, they have also become
obligatory. If a horror movie seems to avoid shooting any female nudity in
it, it will be the first thing I will notice after watching the film.
Although, I find
that concept very refreshing, a lot of horror fans (particularly male ones)
embrace and still welcome the glimpses of female nudity that move the plot
of the story as much as Halle Berry’s topless scene moved the plot in
Swordfish. I wouldn’t mind these shots so much if more horror films
gave women some treats as well. (“Tit for Tat, yo!”)
I wanted to kick myself in the ass for not thinking
of this top ten topic sooner, but then I realized why I stayed away from it
in the first place. Picking just TEN scenes with gratuitous tit shots is
extremely hard, for these scenes are a dime a dozen. Although, I managed to
pick ten scenes that will forever be embedded in my memory.
Use the
spitting bullets section to discuss others!
WARNING – SOME TITTIES SPOILERS AHEAD!
5. Night
of the Demons
There are tons of
unanswered questions to movies I think about to this very day. Such as, how
DOES one use the three seashells in Demolition Man? How come I can
watch Mario Van Peebles get eaten by the shark in Jaws:The Revenge,
and watch the film on television months later and he miraculously manages to
escape the jaws of Jaws? But, more importantly, ‘Why the f*ck does a
possessed Linnea Quigley shove a lipstick in her nipple in Night of the
Demons? That scene was more random then any cut away scene in the
Family Guy series.
4.
Seed of Chucky
In the previous installment, we see Chucky and
Tiffany get it on. (Which was probably one of the most embarrassing scenes I’ve
ever had to sit through) However, in Seed of Chucky, there’s a scene when
Chucky needs to jerk off in a cup to inseminate Jennifer Tilly. (I can’t believe
I saw this in theatres) To help him, Tiffany shows him her big, shiny, plastic
tits. Who the hell thought that was sexy and necessary? Maybe five-year-old
boys who like to strip the clothes off their sisters’ Barbie dolls, but other
than that…NOBODY DOES! Arrow two cents: Not sexy but
f*cking funny to me!
3.
Silent Night Deadly Night
This particular
scene I mentioned in one of my first top tens, but if I didn’t mention it again
for this one, I would sure hear about it later. Again, Linnea Quigley (the queen
of gratuitous tit shots) is doing what she does best, and showing off her
breasts. This time, she answers the front door in nothing but booty shorts.
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again….Russ Meyer must have been a special
guest director that day!
2.
NOTLD 3D
I was really
not too impressed with the 3-D effects in this second remake to George
Romero’s classic. The only time the 3-D effects truly looked real were when
a girl’s boobs were onscreen and when people were smoking big, fat blunts.
While I was busy trying to ignore the big breasts in my face, and envying
the characters with blunts in their hands, I saw many men in the audience
squeeze the air for the pretend boobies. (Simple Creatures!)
1.
Halloween
“See
anything you like?” Well, not me, but millions of
men did. P.J. Soles may not be involved in the most outrageous tit shot, but
she certainly has the all time classic tit shot shown in a horror film. For
some reason, that scene was able to shock viewers and inspire other film
makers to show more nudity in their movies. She must be so proud.
(Again…note the sarcasm.)