This week’s list idea comes courtesy of AITH’s own Yao Ming – Ammon Gilbert. Dude hit me up a couple weeks back with the concept of scariest motels and my immediate reaction was – genius.
Now just to be clear, we’re talking mo-tels here. Not hotels, not hostels, not sleepy little out of the way houses. Just those wonderful places dotted along the highways and byways of any good road trip. Of course these are not the AAA rated brand.
So while there are many good things that go down in motels – hookers, drug deals, underage prom parties – this list is populated with instances where things get a little messy in less than fun ways.
If I miss your favorite road stop then make sure to spit bullets on where you like to stay below.
READ PART 1 OF THIS LIST HERE WARNING – GOOD REASONS TO STAY AT MOTEL 6 AHEAD! 5. Motel, IDENTITY No surprise once you get to the twist why this motel never has a specific name. No matter, since bringing a bunch of peeps with the same birthday together on a rainy night in a random road stop while murder is afoot gives plenty to love and fear even with a level of purposeful unspecificity. Plus Ray Liotta is running around, and let’s be honest, when weird shite is going down, that’s rarely a good thing.
4. Two Unnamed Motels, JOY RIDE An embarrassment of riches. First we get the poor “jaw ripped off” dude when our heroes play their initial practical joke. It’s an awesome use of sound design and flipped expectations. Then to bookend the madness we get the fun of a shotgun booby trap that promises to end the lovely Leelee Sobieski all too young. Speaking of which, I figured ya’ll wouldn’t hate me if I just threw a hot pic of her at the top of this entry.
3. Bates Motel, PSYCHO I know, I’m gonna hear that this should be numero uno, but my problem with that is while the Bates Motel is certainly iconic, I’ve never personally found it scary. Hell, those “16 year-old” Chinese gymnasts could kick Norman Bates’ ass. So I give much respect for what it represents, but I actually wouldn’t be too freaked to stay there so I simply can’t give it the highest spot.
2. Pinewood Motel, VACANCY F*ck me. Imagine yourself getting stuck at this sucker, especially with the responsibility of protecting a loved one. Creepy, bad ass mojo right there. And it’s made even worse by the fact that Luke and Kate are no wallflowers. You drop a couple underdeveloped teenyboppers into the situation and it doesn’t bother me so much. But seeing two very capable adults getting broken down like Tokyo when Godzilla attacks, that shite sticks with you.
1. Motel Hello, MOTEL HELL Stay here and your ass ain’t grass. It’s just buried up to the neck in grass and then turned into jerky. The main problem is that Farmer Vincent is so awesome and efficient that as long as he’s not cutting my vocal chords to keep me from screaming, I gotta root for him and Ida. Which means that if you are dumb enough to stay here, it’s unlikely anybody is going to go against the owners to help you even if they figure out what’s going down. I’ll try to catch a batch of smoked meats that you’re not in though. Just out of respect.
READ PART 1 OF THIS LIST HERE Got a Top 10 idea? Hit me up at mattwithers@joblo.com