When I watch a horror film, I
usually want to see (not expect) creative and inventive kills. Most of the
time, I’m usually quite satisfied with them, because most horror movies these
days focus more on the kills than the plot.
But, there are times when I am completely
astonished or thrown back when I see a death onscreen that is too unbelievable
for words. Here is my list of kills from movies that have made me laugh to
tears, roll my eyes, and say, “Now that is just f*cking ridiculous!” Beware of
spoilers and enjoy!
WARNING HUGE FREAKING SPOILERS – READ AT YOUR OWN
RISK!
5. The Backlot Murders
-The Stabbing Duel
I’m sure a lot of you have been
smart enough to stay away from this piece of crap. Unfortunately, I wasn’t so
lucky. I picked up this “gem” in the previously viewed bin at my local video
store one day when I was extremely bored. It’s your typical straight to DVD
slasher a.k.a. two hours wasted from your life.
There are two killers in the
film. One is Three’s Company, Priscilla Barnes, and the other is some guy
probably still regretting doing this movie. When they both turn on each other,
they both take out two huge butcher knifes and start stabbing each other
repeatedly. It may sound gross, but it only looked cartoonish on screen. This
scene is so embarrassingly bad, it’s good.
4. Scream 3
-The Dumbass that blew up the house
This kill never made sense to
me, because I don’t think anyone would have been as stupid as the character that
manages to get himself killed. Mr. Ghostface has just killed the bodyguard
outside of a big house, and is sending the people in the house script pages
through the fax machine about who is going to die next. The group runs outside,
but then one of the dumbass actors (Matt Keeslar) runs back inside to
read the rest of the fax.
He seems to be able to read the fax perfectly in the
dark except for one sentence for some stupid reason. He lights his lighter to
read the rest of the fax only to be blown up. Hmm….just a thought. If a big
ass house like that has been douched with gasoline, don’t you think you would
immediately smell it? Even a retard would know better not to light a match.
3. Kill Bill
-The Break-Dance attack
I was enjoying watching the
Bride take out the Crazy 88. The kills were inventive and shocking, but when she
started to break-dance and take out the Crazy 88’s feet at the same time, I
couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Sure, it looked cool, but suspension of
disbelief can only be taken so far.
2. House of Wax
-The demise of Paris Hilton
This movie was full of crazy
kills, but I want to discuss the death scene that everybody was talking about
after watching this movie. Paris Hilton’s death scene was very highly
anticipated, yet it was also pretty far-fetched. The killer manages to throw a
pole through a car window and it goes through her head.
While everybody was
clapping about the demise of the non-acting hotel heiress, I was busy thinking,
“Is this man, Thor or something?” In reality, the pole probably would have just
hit her in the head, and she probably would have been screaming at the maniac,
“That was SO not hot.”
1. Jack Frost
-The “other” infamous shower scene kill
This
movie is something Shannon Elizabeth will never live down. Her character gets
killed in the shower by a killer snowman. Yes, you read that correctly. She also
gets raped by the snowman from his carrot. You can’t get anymore ridiculous then
that.