When I watch a horror film, I
usually want to see (not expect) creative and inventive kills. Most of the
time, I’m usually quite satisfied with them, because most horror movies these
days focus more on the kills than the plot.
But, there are times when I am completely
astonished or thrown back when I see a death onscreen that is too unbelievable
for words. Here is my list of kills from movies that have made me laugh to
tears, roll my eyes, and say, “Now that is just f*cking ridiculous!” Beware of
spoilers and enjoy!
WARNING HUGE FREAKING SPOILERS – READ AT YOUR OWN
RISK!
10. Urban Legend
-ALL of
the kills
My
beef is not exactly with the deaths per say. It’s with the person who did the
killing. I’m sorry, but I got to say this. I may be a girl who is happy that
women are portraying stronger roles these days, but I’m also a realist. There is
just NO way that the Noxzema girl (Rebecca Gayheart) would have been able
to kill all those people! There’s just no way! The deaths were very elaborate
and a little far-fetched, but it was the idea of having this dainty model
portraying the role of the parka-wearing psychopath that was way too over the
top for me.
9. A Nightmare on Elm
Street
-The Demise of Johnny Depp
In Johnny Depp’s first
role, the audience gets to see Mr. Depp meet his dreadful end by being sucked
into his bed by Freddy Kruger. This was a sad moment, until we get to see a huge
never-ending geyser of blood spurt out of the bed and hit the ceiling. If the
human body contained that much blood, we would all be going down to the Red
Cross every day donating gallons of blood.
8. H20
-Michael Myer’s super human strength
Why is Michael Myer’s
invincible? He’s able to take hangers in the eye, get shot multiple times, and
fall from high places without so much as a scratch on him. Is he Superman? Is he
50 Cent? No! He’s just some psycho MAN intent on murdering his sister, and
everyone who gets in his way. What also really pisses me off is how this man
seems to have super human strength as well.
In H20, Michael Myers kills
Jamie Lee Curtis’ boyfriend (Adam Arkin) by stabbing him, and lifting him
up in the air from just the knife handle alone. Most of the time I was always
scared by “the boogeyman,” but it was unrealistic moments and kills like that
from the Halloween movies that really just tainted the series for me.
7. Land of the Dead
-The “skin-pulling” bit
One of this film’s purposes
was to have ridiculous zombie kills. It’s not a Romero film if you don’t have
them. Believe me, there are plenty in this zombie flick to choose from. In the
unrated version, there is one kill that seems to stick out more than the others.
While the zombies are busy feasting on the many stupid humans, one of the zombie
manages to kill one of his victims by grabbing his mouth, and pulling the skin
off over his head. EWW! I had to rewind that, just to make sure that’s what I
saw. I can honestly say, I’ve never seen THAT before. As ridiculous as it was, I
have to admit it was pretty damn creative.
6. Jason X
-The Sleeping Bag Kill
I do not remember much from
this movie (which is probably a good thing.) I remember it taking place in
space, I remember the David Cronenberg cameo, I remember the kill, and I
remember laughing my ass off from seeing the kill. To distract Jason, one
character puts him in some Camp Crystal Lake dream simulation.
Two half naked
girls appear and ask Jason if he wants to have sex or if he wants some drugs.
He then takes one of the girls in a sleeping bag and beats the other one to
death with the body. Prepare the rewind button with this scene. It’s gets more
hilarious every time I watch it.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 OF THIS LIST!
COMING SOON!