Props this week to Apex Lawncare for reminding me of a Top 10 I’ve meant to do for awhile. It’s time to look at some of the sacred cows that, at least on some level, deserve to be slaughtered.
No doubt some of you, maybe even many of you, will want to read me the riot act based on what’s to follow. But given the veritable love fest we’ve had over the last two articles, it’s time to stir things up anyway.
So let’s get this party started and look at some of the most overrated horror flicks out there. If you want to add your noms to the list, tell me what a mouth breather I am, or just chime in on how totally right I am, then spit those bullets below.
READ PART 1 OF THIS LIST HERE WARNING – COMPLETE LACK OF RESPECT FOR GENRE CANON BELOW! 5. THE OMEN Classic and shouldn’ta been remade. Blah, blah, blah. Sure there are some seriously cool scenes in this sucker, but it’s also a slow boil to the point that you definitely find yourself checking the watch way too often for a classic. We like to react to any other evil kid movie like it’s some OMEN knockoff, but the reality is there’s much more to be done with the evil kid concept than what THE OMEN achieved.
4. THE HOWLING Great effects no doubt. But great movie? Not so much. Sure the last line is awesome, and there’s some sexiness to be had, but overall we’re talking about hamhanded dialogue and overlong waits for the good stuff. Even SILVER BULLET is a more entertaining werewolf flick on balance. For that matter, so is TEEN WOLF. Want amazing effects to go with your wolvie craving? Get AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. Want some cheap genre popcorn that will seem better than it is? Well here ya go.
3. THE AMITYVILLE HORROR This clusterf*ck is just a godawful movie. If I ever manage to get the image of Rod Steiger fighting flies out of my mind then I’ll know I’ve found peace in my life. And I don’t give a shite that the “reality” hook of the book has been discredited. I only care if the movie does what it is supposed to do. And this movie my friends, does not.
2. THE SHINING Jack’s amazing in this. No doubt about it. And some of the images at play are haunting for sure. Creepy twins, elevators spewing blood, axe’s tearing through bathroom walls, redrum, and “Here’s Johnny!” All great stuff. The problem is that the overall plot of the film is super superficial compared to the original work. Don’t believe me? Read it. Or at least watch the excellent mini-series. Kubrick’s a genius, but this was a minor effort with little to recommend it beyond, “Wow, Jack was great!”
1. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE I can’t for the life of me figure out why people love this flick. It’s one of the few times I’ve truly felt a remake did a better job than the original. Not only are the characters completely uncharismatic, but the intensity of the film (outside of the first kill with the mallet which is bloody awesome!) just ain’t there. Overall it’s like 10 minutes of cool stuff and the rest is just boredom and pain.
READ PART 1 OF THIS LIST HERE Got a Top 10 idea? Hit me up at mattwithers@joblo.com