Everyone has their favorite types
of horror movies to watch. You’ve got your supernatural, werewolf, slasher, and
ghost fanatics. I, on the other hand am into the vampire genre. Not the classic
Universal/Bela Lugosi vampire films, but the modern day vampire movies.
It’s because of my love for these movies that
have led me to watch some real stinkers in my time. Terror, seduction, great
special effects makeup, casting, appropriate usage of fake blood and a unique
plot are key elements in a truly memorable vampire movie. (e.g. The Lost
Boys, From Dusk Till Dawn, Fright Night)
But, so many vampire films seem to be missing
these elements or they only rely on just a few of them. Here is my list of
modern day vampire movies that really suck. (no pun intended).
By the way, I know there are most likely
worse vampire movies out there, but luckily I had enough common sense to know
that any straight to DVD vamp films, (e.g Carmen Electra’s American Vampire)
were not worth watching.
WARNING HUGE FREAKING SPOILERS – READ AT YOUR OWN
RISK!
10. Dracula 2000
This modern day telling of
the already done to death Dracula tale came out at a time when the horror genre
was being exploited to death. This film tried to be scary, sexy and savvy, but
it only came across as being another Scream clone. This “all-star”(actually
B and C star) cast all did mediocre acting jobs, especially Gerald Butler who
played the infamous Dracula.
Not that he’s a bad actor,
I just thought he was miscast. None of it I found to be truly frightening, most
of the scares were just “jumpers”. The film’s biggest flaw was the ridiculous
twist of Dracula actually being a reincarnation of Judas. I’m surprised the
writer and director of this film weren’t scared of the overly religious fanatics
who most likely sent them death threats because of it.
9. Queen of the Damned
I think a lot of people
didn’t bash this movie for the piece of crap it was, because of the surprising
and untimely death of this film’s beautiful star, Aaliyah. But, I have to say
this movie was a pile of sh*t! Some of you might not know, but this movie is
actually a sequel to Interview with a Vampire. Stuart Townsend (a.k.a.
“Mr. Charlize Theron”) plays Lestat, the character Tom Cruise made famous in the
predecessor.
His portrayal of Lestat, lacks any of the charisma and personality
Cruise had put into the role. This film has an awful soundtrack that you
couldn’t pay me to listen to, cheesy dialogue, an incomprehensible plot and the
Queen herself, does not even appear until the last half hour of the film! This
film is one of the reasons why I won’t read anything by Anne Rice.
8. Vampires
Okay, I know
I’m going to get a lot of sh*t for putting this one in my top ten worst vampire
movies, but I just didn’t like it. I know a lot of you horror fans out there
appreciated this movie, and thought it was one of John Carpenter’s better films,
and you’re entitled to your opinion. To be quite honest, if it wasn’t for the
charismatic James Woods, I would have turned off the movie within the first half
hour.
In the movie,
we see James Woods play Jack Crow, a vampire killer who is trying to kill Valek,
the main vampire in this film. The opening and conclusion of the film are great.
Both filled with suspense and gore. But the whole middle of the movie was
Yawn-worthy. My biggest vices with the film however are the casting of Daniel
Baldwin, and how this film was able to spawn a horrible sequel starring Jon Bon
Jovi. ICK!
7. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Before the hit
television show, came this box office flop. This film starred Kristy Swanson
(the original Buffy) kicking vampire ass, while falling for then teen heartthrob
Luke Perry. Aside from Rutger Hauer’s presence and Paul “Peewee” Reuben’s
hilarious death scene, this film was a laughable and an unscary horror comedy. I
bet Donald Sutherland and Hilary Swank are trying to erase this “gem” off their
filmographies.
6. Vamp
A few months ago I had
borrowed this movie from a family member, and I was so scared to watch it,
because this flick scared the crap out of me when I was a little girl. After
watching it again, I had no idea why this movie scared me so bad. Yes, Grace
Jones is still the most frightening part of this movie. Yes, Robert Rusler is
still hot, but the rest of the movie was incredibly bad. If you want to watch a
film about vampire strippers I suggest skipping this one, and renting From
Dusk till Dawn instead.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 OF THIS LIST!
COMING SOON!