Top 10: Miscasts #1

Last Updated on July 26, 2021

Before we get to this week’s list, I owe my man Eric Walkuski an apology for not mentioning that the last Top 10 was his idea. Thanks bro!

And since I’m always looking to do as little work as possible, I’m gonna snag a concept that JoBlo’s own AwesomeZara sent my way. Miscasting. This is not the ordinary piss poor acting that genre fans know and love. We’re talking about a colossal miscalculation in how to fill a role.

Should be a fun discussion his week, since the behind the scenes disagreements are already significant. So sit back, take it all in, and then spit bullets on what you think I got right, wrong, and couldn’t care less about.

WARNING – PAINFUL PERFORMANCES BELOW!

10. Mila Kunis, AMERICAN PSYCHO 2

Hmm, let’s take one of the most disturbing portraits of a serial killer we’ve ever seen, and spin it off into a STD featuring a tiny comedy actress as the killer. Yeah, that’s not gonna suck donkey balls or anything. Not to say that Kunis is a bad actress, quite the contrary, but like many of the entries on this list, a bad idea infects everyone involved. Kunis is cute, but she’s no Bateman, and she’s no Bale. In other words – FAIL!

9. Keanu Reeves, THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE

Whoa! We need to cast a jury selection expert who is not only believable as one of the smartest guys in the room, but also has the chops to go toe-to-toe with Al Pacino. As Satan. The perfect guy would have to be…Johnny Utah? Much like the marshmallow in a smore, Reeves simply gets crushed between Scarface and Aeon Flux. The only surprise with this is that anyone involved was surprised that it didn’t work.

8. Costas Mandylor, SAW IV, V (and presumably) VI

I’m sorry, Jigsaw is dead, and Amanda is dead, so now we’re stuck with Hoffman? Really? I’ve got nothing against Costas, but his pudgy lack of intensity is sour sauce after the calculated cruelty of Tobin Bell. And yes I’m aware that Hoffman was present in II and III, but he didn’t really become a known player until IV. We all lost a little bit when that happened.

7. Casper Van Dien, SLEEPY HOLLOW

This is probably the casting that confuses me the most on this list. I spent most of the movie wondering how the hell Casper Van Dien got into a Tim Burton movie. The only thing I can figure out is that SLEEPY HOLLOW kinda sucks, so maybe Burton wanted an actor on set who could match that.

6. Alicia Witt, URBAN LEGEND

Hope ya’ll don’t mind that I didn’t bother with the usual movie still for the pic above. But that pic is about the only enticing thing about Witt. She may be a lovely person, but her acting is tantamount to watching a stroke victim on valium. I don’t think I’ve seen her in anything that I didn’t pretty much hate her performance in, but to be notably bad in a second tier horror flick is worthy of special notice.

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!