Childhood is supposed to be a time of innocence, right? But now the souls of our young folk are being sullied with the unending flood of crappy remakes and tepid PG-13 BS that is being passed off as horror these days. It’s time to fight back!
Certainly we don’t want the kiddies starting their trek toward genre love with movies that they’re not legally allowed to see (even though many of us did just that). But that doesn’t mean their only options are the boatload of travesty’s getting shoveled their way. It’s just that some of them don’t know any better.
So without further ado, let’s take a look at some non R-rated flicks that don’t suck so we can get the kids heads on straight!
Got other noms? Spit bullets right into those impressionable minds below.
WARNING – FLICKS BELOW MAY NOT JUST SCARE THE YOUNG’UNS! 10. SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES This may not tickle every kids fancy, but when you get past the fact that it’s an older flick and has a pacing that’s a
bit like THE WICKER MAN, this is a nasty piece of business with plenty of creepiness for the younglings and their elders. At the very least you won’t have to worry about anybody in your household sneaking into carnivals in the near future.
9. THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS I was actually surprised when I saw this the first time, how intense the movie gets. I guess I shouldn’t have been given Burton directed, but I freely admit that Oogie Boogie had me feeling pretty damn tense. It might not
feel like horror to seasoned vets, but trust me, for the noobs this is a pretty good opportunity to gauge what they’re made of.
8. TREMORS Giant worms that jump out of the ground and eat people. Who doesn’t love that sauce? Then you’ve got all the explosions and plenty of goofy humor to go around as well. The real bonus is when you point out that Michael Gross played the dad on FAMILY TIES, and get a blank stare in response. Nothing like feeling old!
7. THE GATE
This one is pretty much strictly for the kids, because any adult in the room will certainly lose their lunch at the “quality” of the performances at play. Still, the beasties are fun, and the set up, while mildly confusing, does make you miss the days when every rock record was accused of having Satanic messages in it. Plus who doesn’t love seeing a young Stephen Dorff. When the kids get older they can watch BLADE.
6. ARACHNOPHOBIA I always thought phobias were something that you had from birth. Turns out you can become arachnophobic just from watching a movie with the title. Whether you dig John Goodman as a near psychotic bug killer, or just want the chance to wet your pants when a spider attack seems to slingshot out of nowhere, this little baby will fit the bill. There are parts of it that will guarantee you have to stay up with your terrified charge, though, if you introduce it to someone without the constitution to handle pretty potent scares.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!