Top 10: Fictional Horror Items #1

Last Updated on July 27, 2021

The
other day, my friends and I were bored out of our minds, and decided to watch
the film Men in Black. It was then that I realized how the “neuralizer”
from the sci-fi flick would be great to have. It would be awesome to forget all
about the bad dates, bad fights, and bad relationships. (Basically I would be
wiping out my entire love life!) This started a lengthy discussion about what
objects and items in movies we wished were real.

Horror films are full of
these cool and unattainable items that horror geeks would sell their soul to the
devil to own. Certain fictional objects would be amazing to have as a fanboy/girl,
but some actually would be very useful in this world if they were real. Here is
my top ten fangirl list of fictional objects (and even creatures) that I think
would make this world a far more interesting place to live in if they existed.
Spit some bullets for your own suggestions!

WARNING – SOME SPOILERS AHEAD!

10. Lo
Pan’s Floating Eye Monster-Big Trouble in Little China

Looking for a way to scare the sh*t out of your
friends? This floating eye blob would do the trick! In the movie, Lo Pan uses
this monster to spy on Jack Burton and crew. If this thing were real, I would
have it spy on my friends and have it record their horrified reactions when they
saw the thing that was following them. I would then put it on myspace, facebook
and youtube. It’s not very useful, but it would certainly make my day.

9. Dream
suppressing pills-Freddy Vs. Jason

I don’t know
about you, but I suffer from severe bad dreams on a regular basis. They’re
horrible! One night I’ll be dreaming I’m power-walking for my life from
Michael Myers, another night I’ll dream about an ex I’m trying to forget.
(See, HORRIBLE!) Having a dream suppressor would definitely decrease my
tossing and turning at night. Also, it would be useful for couples with kids
who always have to share their bed because their children are having “bad
dreams.” (They wouldn’t be able to use that excuse anymore!)

8.
Power Loader-Aliens

Wouldn’t it be
cool if it were socially acceptable to walk around in Ripley’s famous power
loader from Aliens? It would be great for heavy lifting, big moves, and
scaring off bullies on the schoolyard. (No bully would ever f*ck with a kid
hooked up to this device.) The hardest problem this loader would ever cause you
would be figuring out where the hell you would store it.

7.
Multiple Voice Changer-Scream 3

I thought the
voice changer in Scream 3 (where the killer had all the characters’
voices on it) was a brilliant idea. You know how useful that thing would be?
Kids in school would never have to forge one of their parent’s signatures to
ditch class ever again. Also you would be able to get rid of annoying people who
call you to constantly ask you out and won’t take a hint, by imitating your
“boyfriend/girlfriend” on the phone. (A problem I’ve been having for quite some
time now.)

6. The
Book of Amun-RA-The Mummy

Many readers may
be wondering why I’m putting this book down on the list, and not the infamous
“Books of the Dead” (From The Mummy and Evil Dead) instead. Well,
as cool as it would be to have those books as collector’s items, you really
can’t do shit with them. (Opening them up is a bad idea, and if you read them
out loud, you’re f*cked.) So why is the Book of Amun-RA a must have? It’s made
out of pure gold. Need I say more?

PART 2 OF THIS LIST IS COMING SOON!