This year has been rough on all of us, of that there is no doubt. However, what if I told you that Toho is about to save the day by sharing a sweet gallery of pics for its official Godzilla tissue dispenser? Wouldn't that be nice? Can't you just feel the excitement charging up inside you as you prepare to vomit a destructive beam of radioactive energy? I know I can. I mean, all of that rage and sadness has to go somewhere, right?
As I was saying, Toho unveiled a look at the official Godzilla tissue dispenser today, and I don't know if I've wanted a material possession more in my entire life. Let's all try to appreciate the genius of this device, shall we?
First of all, let's give it up to Toho for choosing Gozilla's traditional look as opposed to the scale-covered crime that Roland Emmerich served us in his 1998 film. Next, let's take a moment to appreciate the craftsmanship of this thing. Witness Godzilla's toothy maw, his piercing gaze. Check out the layered scale design that protects him pesky bullets and incoming missiles. Marvel at the thought of pulling a tissue from his gullet, his teeth carefully filed so as not to tear the soon-to-be snot-saturated material. Like a Twitter user pointed out in the comments, the only thing that could possibly make this better is if the tissues themselves were bright blue. Actually, I'm fairly certain those exist. You might have to do a bit of shopping around but I'm certain you could make it happen if you tried hard enough.
Sadly, it looks as if Toho's official tissue dispense is only available in Japan, so procuring one of your very own might take a bit of work. That said, think of the reward, the glory. Think about being the envy of all your friends when they see that sweet Godzilla merch on your coffee table. If they were allowed to come over to your house, they'd likely beat you up and take it. That would be quite the story for the grandkids, eh? I implore you to do some research and find out how you can welcome the Godzilla tissue dispenser into your home today. Your nose and nerd cave feng shui will thank you.