This Week: The year’s most divisive horror movie, back to the slammer with Orange is the New Black, and Robert De Niro needs a Scorsese intervention.
► Every great horror movie should be polarizing to some extent, because they must defy what’s expected to truly stand out. Mission accomplished for Robert Eggers’ THE WITCH, which had a vocal group of haters to go with its legion of admirers. Count me among the fans – this unnerving, exceptionally well-made thriller refused to pander, adhering to the great lesson of so many other classics: Let your imagination do the hard work. For most of the movie we’re never quite sure what’s tormenting a Puritan family out in the woods, circa 1630s New England. Their crops are failing. A baby goes missing. And there’s that freaky black goat the younger children say speaks to them. Fearing witchcraft, the family falls apart and blames the teenaged daughter Thomasin. And once the accusation is out, the film swims in subtle scares and creepy paranoia. It pays heed to two milestone horror movies, ‘Rosemary’s Baby’ and ‘The Blair Witch Project,’ while claiming a unique spot of its own in the genre. Even if you hate it, you’re unlikely to forget it. Blu-ray includes Eggers commentary and the featurette ‘The Witch: A Primal Folklore.’
► After an iffy second season, ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK rebounds in Season 3 by adding some intriguing new inmates (Lori Petty and Ruby Rose) and shifting the focus away from the increasingly annoying Piper (Taylor Schilling) for several episodes. Red fights to regain her turf, the inmates find a new source of income by selling their used panties, and the prison is sold to a company only concerned with profits. No Jason Biggs this season, which many fans welcomed, but no Pornstache was a bummer.
► Every year, we think Robert De Niro has bottomed out. Then comes DIRTY GRANDPA to remind us he can always dig deeper. He plays a recent widower who asks his grandson (Zac Efron) to drive him to Florida, where stuff that was allegedly funny in the script ensues. That includes Efron accused of being a pedophile because of his fanny pack, and 72-year-old De Niro having sex with 31-year-old Aubrey Plaza. I refuse to believe of all the scripts De Niro must be offered, he looked at this one and said ‘Bingo!’
► One of the most bizarre nuggets from the late ‘60s – which is no small feat – was the sex farce CANDY. Not only did it star a Beatle (Ringo Starr), not only did it gather the likes of Marlon Brando, Richard Burton and James Coburn, but this freaky tale of a beautiful alien (Ewa Aulin) who triggers sexual encounters meant to satirize porn ended up one of the Top 20 highest-grossing movies of the year. Blu-ray includes interviews with screenwriter Buck Owens and film historian Kim Morgan.
► Stephen Frears’ THE PROGRAM is based on a true story that really should have shocked no one: Lance Armstrong’s use of steroids to win the Tour de France seven straight years. Ben Foster plays Armstrong while Chris O’Dowd is the sports journalist David Walsh who ruins the narrative by insisting Armstrong isn’t the hero everyone believes. Based on Walsh’s book ‘Seven Deadly Sins.’
► Rag on Arnold Schwarzenegger if you must, but at least the dude said no to KINDERGARTEN COP 2. Which was a gift to Dolph Lundgren, who steps in for this direct-to-video sequel 25 years after the original. He’s an FBI agent sent undercover as a teacher to recover an FBI flash drive from the witness protection program. It’s not a tumor, but it’s just as painful.
► XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS was the ‘90s answer to the ‘60s Batman show: Campy, ridiculous, and led to the first crush for many pre-teen viewers. Here’s all 134 episodes of the show that made Lucy Lawless a sword-wielding sex symbol that rallied the lesbian community more than an Indigo Girls tour. After several false starts, NBC announced last year a reboot is coming.
► You have bided your time, showing incredible patience. Your journey began ten years ago, and this week it’s finally over…the final season of THE FACTS OF LIFE arrives on DVD. Season 9 of the unavoidable ‘80s show was still a decent hit for NBC, but two of the gals decided nine seasons was enough. But not before one more classic ‘Very Special Episode,’ in which Natalie becomes the first of the gang to lose her virginity (it was supposed to be Blair, but devoutly religious Lisa Welchel said no way). Fans went several years in-between boxed sets, but Shout! Factory has cranked out the final four seasons in the past year.
Also out this week:
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SO WHAT DVD/BLU-RAYS ARE YOU GUYS STOKED ABOUT THIS WEEK?!