The Wash

Snoop Dogg works at a car wash. Dr. Dre is his roommate and needs a job. Dogg tells him to go for the manager position at his place of employment. Dre gets the job but then starts annoying Dogg with his bossy attitude. So Dogg tells Dre off every now and then, and sells drugs on the side. Then, the owner of the car wash gets kidnapped. I think “hilarity” is supposed to ensue, but the movie blows.

Straight up…I didn’t laugh once during this entire flick! I mean, was it even supposed to be a comedy? All we get here are a bunch of variant scenes strung together by swear words, uninteresting characters, zero energy, no jokes, no hotties, no fun, no nothing! Was there supposed to be a point or a story in here somewhere? If so, I didn’t see it. All’s I know is that I wanted to shut this movie down about halfway through, but hoped the second half might save it, which it unfortunately, did not. In fact, there’s an actual attempt at plot during the film’s final half hour, as a random kidnapping occurs, and more unfunny happenings go down. And what’s the best way to finish off a comedy that has nothing going for it? A shoot-out, of course! And once again, it ain’t a funny one either. It’s serious and so are most of the back-and-forths between Dre and Snoop in this film, which is amazing to me, since they even executive produced this puppy. Someone please explain this project to me…I’m seriously confused as to what they were thinking when they put this thing together. Unless it was to create a movie in which they could plug their own music (which they unabashedly do, as the radio DJs keep announcing Snoop and Dre’s songs) and not much else.

They could have done so much with it…the potential was actually there. I mean, you have two roommates who start disliking each other as the film progresses, but instead of pulling an ODD COUPLE on us and tossing some one-liners or funny situations our way, you get to see them tell each other off, over and over and over again. Haha. And since when were those bouncing cars funny? Back in 1994…maybe. Well, someone should have told the director that since he can’t seem to get enough of them here. Haha, once again. So what did I like? Not much really. Dre is lifeless as the lead in the film, and Snoop, despite having charisma and wit in real-life, seems pissed and far from humorous here. I did like the few cameos in the movie, including Eminem, basically playing his “rapper persona” to a tee, and Shaquille O’Neal, who actually made me smile a little, but that was about it. And the hotties, you say? Once again…disappointing y’all! Where the chicks at, dude? You guys wallpaper your music videos with booty galore but spend less than a minute with luscious babes here?? I’m telling you…I am seriously confused! Someone please help me understand how these hip rap gentlemen could be featured in such an empty movie. By the way, I sometimes recommend that you drink yourself silly or smoke some shite to enjoy the lighter side of such flicks, but this puppy doesn’t even have that going for it. No style, mean-spirited, no laughs…and yes, Pauly Shore even shows up in a cameo. Sure hindsight is 20/20, but c’mon guys…Pauly Shore!?! Nuff said.

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian