Last Updated on August 5, 2021
THE BLACK SHEEP is an ongoing column featuring different takes on films that either the writer HATED, but that the majority of film fans LOVED, or that the writer LOVED, but that most others LOATH. We’re hoping this column will promote constructive and geek fueled discussion. Dig in!
House of Wax (2005)
Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra
“It’s the type of movie fans deserve, a serious venture that avoids the easy way out.”
There’s something unsettling about wax museums. Always have been. If you’ve never been in one, it’s about the oddest damn thing you’ll ever see. Think about it. You pay a ticket to walk around and look at things that almost look real. Celebrities, politicians, objects. Instead of seeing the real thing or at least pictures of a moment in time, we see a wax representation. The very notion of being surrounded by sculptures made to look life-like speaks to a whole level of creepiness. How damn odd this that? I can only imagine that whoever wrote the original House of Wax with Vincent Price had a deep, dark fear of the wax museum. It’s like clowns. A very unnatural thing, but it’s a subject that makes for great fodder for horror.
It should be noted (unless you can’t tell by the pictures or the date released) that I’m referring to the 2005 remake of House of Wax. However, before I dive into a review, let’s get a couple of facts straight. 1) Yes, this is the movie that starred Paris Hilton. 2) Yes, she sucks in it. And yes, the best moment of the movie is when she gets a pole stuck through the back of her head. 3) Yes, this is yet another remake. Get over it. House of Wax might have the Paris/remake factor, but Paris is barely in the thing, and now that TMZ isn’t reporting every time she poops, she isn’t as distracting as when I first saw the film six years ago.
Though the word remake makes me cringe 97.4% of the time, House of Wax never did. Sure, it’ll be forever lumped in with the rest from the unnecessary horror remakes, but it shouldn’t. Lump it in with movies that deserved another chance on the screen. Think The Fly, The Thing, Scarface, The Departed. These reworked movies that weren’t perfect to begin with and let’s face it…most youngins today think an old movie equals boring anyway. Therefore, a lot of people never even heard of the original. Probably don’t even know who Vincent Price is.
So, now that that’s out of way, back to why House of Wax should be remembered for more than the Paris/remake factor. Namely, this movie has nearly everything horror needs: atmosphere, gore, torture, weirdoes, creeps, rednecks, hot girls, a variety of murder weapons, and a whole lot of wax. It’s the type of movie fans deserve, a serious venture that avoids the easy way out. It’s dark and disturbing with a certain feeling of uneasiness that never lets up. Sure, a few parts that could have been cut or done differently, but it doesn’t really matter because House of Wax is a hell of a ride that pumps both gore and blood, but pumps from a dark heart of its own, meaning it rises above a simple exercise in chaos.
House of Wax not only looks great, but it provides the necessary backstory to make sense of it all. Yeah, I know nearly all movies provide backstory, but it comes down to if it works. And this one does as it ties into the two villains who are notably very effective. First, there’s the silent one with the wax face who looks like Marylyn Manson but creepier if that’s possible. Then there’s the suave/smooth brother (well, suave/smooth for a deranged man living in a town full of wax people). He effectively pulls off the role as the protective, unstoppable brother and has probably the most painful moment in the movie when he snips off the top of Elisha Cuthbert’s finger. It’s a good scene. Speaking of which, while there’s plenty of carnage to satisfy fans (with killing Hilton and all), it’s the waxing scenes that are particularly hard to watch. People get a nice layer of wax on their skin. Trust me, it’s more painful that it sounds (I assume at least. I’m not volunteering).
Actually, looking back it shouldn’t be such a surprise that House of Wax ended up above the usual remake crapfest. In some regards, I could have pictured this movie being remade by someone like Tim Burton. Sure, I know it doesn’t have all the Burton style and weirdness, but if he still made real movies, the ideas here, the carnival nature of a wax museum, would have been right in his wheelhouse. But maybe that’s just from knowing how much Burton respected Price. But it doesn’t matter because it had Jaume Collet-Serra. Who? Exactly. Director Collet-Serra isn’t a household name. Hell, I bet most of us can’t even pronounce his name (I sure can’t), but if we don’t know his name, maybe we should. (Or at least figure out the proper pronunciation). Out of the five movies listed on IMDB, three of them are well known and pretty good flicks (Wax, Orphan, Unknown). The dude knows how to make effective, moody thrillers. He wasn’t on my list of directors to follow before. But he is now.
It’s a shame the studio never did a follow to the House of Wax. Out of all the bad American horror movies out there that spin sequel after sequel, I think this one had a lot left in the tank. But maybe it’s better as a standalone. Maybe it’s better to be like one of those wax figures. A moment in time to revisit. If you pay the entry fee.
Disagree? Buy the DVD and discover for yourself.
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