The F*cking Black Sheep: Crocodile (2000)

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

THE BLACK SHEEP is an ongoing column featuring different takes on films that either the writer HATED, but that the majority of film fans LOVED, or that the writer LOVED, but that most others LOATH. We’re hoping this column will promote constructive and geek fueled discussion. Dig in!

CROCODILE (2000)

DIRECTED BY TOBE HOOPER

Let’s be real. When it comes to watching horror flicks in the summertime, is there a more enjoyable time to be had than by indulging in a gloriously silly B-to-D-grade creature feature? I think not. This must be why we’re inundated with the obligatory new killer shark movie every summer season, irrespective of quality. Granted, that also has to do with JAWS being the first blockbuster in cinematic history, and the desperate need for studios to duplicate the success even 40 odd years later. But still, how fun are movies like ANACONDA, LAKE PLACID, PIRANHA 3D and other big, dumb, ludicrously stupefying summertime monster-movies to watch with your mind turned off, a cold brew in hand, a kush-cone behind your ear and some pals gathered around? Can’t beat it!

Well, one such flick I’d submit ought to be included among the aforesaid creature-features, is Tobe Hooper’s risible 2000 direct-to-video eyesore CROCODILE. Nope, I’m not joking. Allow me to clarify. Now, obviously nobody in their right mind would ever confuse CRCODILE for a good movie. However, I submit that the film has been unfairly judged against Hooper’s halcyon horror titles, of which many rank among some of the all time best horror films ever made. Therefore, it would seem unthinkable if not inexcusable to think that the man whose untouchable resume from 1974-1985 – including THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, EATEN ALIVE, SALEM’S LOT, THE FUNHOUSE, and POLTERGESIT – would fall so mightily from grace to helm such a woefully inept cheapie akin to a goddamn SyFy original (more on that below). And while I understand the thought process, we’re here to get into exactly why Hooper should have been afforded more clemency and why CROCODILE should be judged on its own merits than by Hooper’s past. Bottom line is this, CROCODILE is a F*cking Black Sheep in every sense of the term!

From a story conceived by Boaz Davidson (X-RAY, RAMBO: LAST BLOOD), scripted by Jace Anderson (MOTHER OF TEARS, NIGHT OF THE DEMONS) and Adam Gierasch (AUTOPSY, TOOLBOX MURDERS), the plot of CROCODILE is as monastic as one could hope for in a brainless summertime B-movie. A septet of annoyingly horny teenagers set out to enjoy Spring Break vacation at Lake Sobeck to drink beer and peel their clothes off. We’ve got the pensive 90210 typecast, Brady (Mark McLachlan), his uptight gal-pal Claire (Caitlin Martin), the foul-mouthed heathen Duncan (Chris Solari), the paunchy yet shirtless Kit (D.W. Reiser), the dainty Annabelle (Julie Mintz), and two forgettable ancillary characters, Hubs (Greg Wayne) and Foster (Rhett Wilkins). As soon as they dock their houseboat and camp for the night, Kit tells a heinous tale about a hotelier named Harlan Clemmons, who once imported a giant crocodile from Africa, dubbed Flat Dog, back to the states in order to harness the powers of the Ancient Egyptian Crocodile god Sobeck. No, we’re serious.

What I like about this setup is how we instantly identify more with the Crocodile’s plight than that of the obnoxious teens. When the group stumbles on a nest of Croc eggs, they not only show little regard for the endangered species, but at one point Hubs steals one of the eggs and places it inside Claire’s bag, unbeknownst to her. Therefore, Flat Dog isn’t killing the kids out of necessity to eat, but rather to avenge their thievery and get her baby croc back. As ridiculous as the movie is and this is to say, one can actually view this flick as advocating for environmentalism. Hooper did similar with animal rights and gas prices in TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, so it’s not out of the realm to view the film in this light. Still, any social commentary is almost impossible to stick in such a laughably awful but frankly damn entertaining B-movie. Anyway, as Flat Dog proceeds to gorily hunt each deserving teen, one by one, leaving a grisly wake of entrails in its path, the survivors’ only hope seems to lie with Sheriff Bowman (Harrison Young) and, other than Duncan, my favorite character in Shurkin (Terrence Evans, who would go on to play Monty in the 2003 and 2006 TCM remakes), a crusty old wannabe Crocodile Dundee who know the lay of the land and the mythic lore of Flat Dog’s ancestry. I love how Shurkin’s cabin is intentionally decorated as a not-so-subtle nod Leatherface’s original abode, what with the moldering mise-en-scene, caged animals and unidentifiably jarred contents.

For a cheaply made creature-feature, one of the standouts of CROCODILE is how much onscreen footage is dedicated to the Croc, as well as its double-digit attack sequences. Normally, a chintzy movie like this will wait and show its creature sparingly to mount suspense. Not here. Hooper cares not about such matters, he’s more interested in delivering the gory goods as much and as often as he can. The result is no less than 10 brutal and bloody onscreen attacks. However, the way Hooper mounts the tension and suspense is by mixing non-lethal onslaughts with the gnarly fatalities. That is, not every attack ends in death, which is a smart way of not only keeping things from being monotonous, but also keeps us guessing as to who will really perish. Duncan gets attacked but narrowly survives. Same goes for Annabelle and her dog, Princess, early on in the film. In fact, Hooper is clearly having a tremendous amount of fun by toying with audience expectations as they relate to Princess. Much like in the movie MEG, we expect the cute little dog to become feasted on as an appetizer at some point in the film. Hooper hilariously runs this gag into the ground, but it’s still fun to find out whether or not Princess will live or die in the end. It gets to the point where you’d actually rather see the dog survive rather than the humans, just as we root for the Croc to get its rightful revenge.

Now, I can’t much defend the atrociously nascent CGI this flick employs, but I can laud to an extent the various methods used to portray the titular beast. In addition to the bad CG that rears its ugly head in the final act, I admire how Hooper chose to use a combination of real crocs, rubber dolls and rudimentary animatronics from one scene to another. This gives Flat Dog a dynamism that never feels too bland or basic when shown onscreen. To wit, Hooper imbues the film with such forcibly graphic death-blows and onscreen carnage that it’s hard not to just sit back with a dopey grin and simply enjoy the amusement. Think TREMORS, which the liquor store refuge scene is quite redolent of. Not just int terms of tone, but the way in which the Croc violently bursts through the floor and completely swallows a character whole. Or think Audrey 2 in LITTLE SHOP OF HORROR and the way it chomps on Audrey with her legs hanging out of its slavering maw. Shite's harsh! Again, movies of this ilk either refrain from showing the goods until the finale, or continue to show the same kind of attacks throughout. Hooper does neither, but instead gives the viewer plenty of what they came to see: Flat Dog chewing, chomping, snapping, growling, hissing, eating and spitting out a good tonnage of unlikable teenager. And speaking of spitting, I absolutely love this frivolously plotted shoehorn of having Duncan constantly sprits bug-spray on his body, the indigestible contents of which end up saving his life in the end.

Having revisited CROCODILE this past weekend, one thing struck me in retrospect. As a direct-to-video outing, it stands to reason that Hooper never really set out for greatness when making CROCODILE to begin with. Is it possible he was merely paving the way for what has since become a cottage industry purveyed by the likes of the Asylum and the SyFy Channel, who have filled the void CROCODILE left behind en route to providing such equally cheesy fare as MEGA-SHARK VS CROCOSAURUS, SHARKNADO, SHARKTOPUS, MEGA-SHARK VS GIANT OCTOPUS, and the never-ending spate of imitators and spinoffs that sprung up in the wake of CROCODILE. Now, whether he deserves credit or blame for spawning the trend can be up for debate, but I truly believe that, given the sheer silliness of the third-act CGI, CROCODILE laid the ground for such ungodly abominations to proliferate. My guess is, if it wasn’t Hooper who directed CROCODILE, they’d receive more credit from creating the trend. But because of Hooper’s legendary status as a horror filmmaker, he’s been forever condemned for mounting quite possibly his worst movie to date. Point is, CROCODILE is nowhere near as bad as its reputation would insist, and in terms of both Hooper’s filmography and B-movie creature-features writ large, CROCODILE is a F*cking Black Sheep of a summertime horror flick!

GET CROCODILE ON DVD HERE