The Big Bounce

A small-time B&E man falls for a local Hawaiian “bad girl” with legs that go on forever, nails her and then helps her set up to scam the rich asshole in town. A local resort owner keeps tabs on the blonde duo, as does Charlie Sheen’s mustache and a few other low-rent sorts. A lame January release ensues.

There are two kinds of bad movies: those that just outright stink up the joint and those that just outright bore the shit out of you and this film is the latter…in spades! What the heck were any of these good folks thinking when they signed up to this project? I haven’t been this bored since my last blind date with the accountant who adored Air Supply and didn’t think that oral sex and first dates were a good mix. What’s up with that? In fact, if it wasn’t for the continued comedic prowess of Owen Wilson and the hotter-than-hot hotness of first-timer Sara Foster (better known as the next target of my creepy online obsessions), this film would have been discounted to your every day straight-to-video counters, dressed to the gills with a “cute setting”, “name actors” and lame-o plot. What could have been a hip, grooving, comedic con-job flick packed with quirky characters a la GET SHORTY, is actually a slow-moving, unfunny, predictable stillborn with filler songs, filler Hawaiian surfing sequences and filler shots of the lovely Sara Foster in various forms of undress (except the naked form) Charlie Sheen’s mustache also helped a little, but that’s only when his few scenes came into play, which was rare. Morgan Freeman, on the other hand, seemed to have a good time, relaxing on the beach, taking some time away from Hollywood, collecting a paycheck and punching in his “acting card” whenever required to do so (also quite rare) And if you can watch all 85 minutes of this film and recount even one memorable sequence, I’ll give you one dollar…Canadian.

Actually, the film’s opening scene in which Wilson confronts Vinnie Jones was pretty funny, but other than that, the film is filled with hollowness and redundant sequences featuring Wilson and Foster walking around the island, breaking into homes and bantering it up. How exciting. By the time the “con” is launched and Lilith from “Cheers” shows up with Lieutenant Dan (both of whom are grossly underused, like most everyone, in the film), you’re just trying to figure out why the heck you should give a shit about any of these uninteresting, underdeveloped characters and if there’s any chance that a gorgeous honey like Ms. Foster would date a jerk like yourself (after some thought, it turns out that she wouldn’t) The directing is also pretty blasé, and other than the film’s actual setting (how can anyone make Hawaii look bad?), the pacing is disjointed, the editing truncated and the flow as unenergetic as my penis after a night of late-night partying with alcohol as my best friend. Am I being too harsh on the film? Perhaps. But the point is that there isn’t much in this movie that’s worth much other than Wilson’s quips and Foster’s ass, and if you’re willing to dish $10 out to see that, you’re richer than I am. I might suggest you pick this film up as a 3rd rental in late April when your local video store is offering up its “rent two, get one free” evenings, but even then, just to gawk at some pretty pictures, an uber-hottie and lots of “name” actors, with very little in originality, ambition or entertainment value to go along with any of it.

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian