For Kresk (Steve Zahn), the world’s worst barber, most days go so badly that he figures nothing could get any worse — and then things always do. On one particular day things really take a turn for the worse when his landlord evicts him, his wife Karen (Lara Flynn Boyle) divorces him and runs off with their marriage counselor, and his life is literally threatened by a customer, Avnet (Jeff Goldblum), a lowlife con who was involved in the heist of some priceless ancient coins. Kresk’s life is in peril when he overhears a conversation between Avnet and his accomplice, Bollingsworth (Tom Wilkinson), a greedy billionaire whom Avnet has decided to blackmail. Kresk narrowly escapes being shot when Avnet accidentally – and fatally — injures himself.

With nothing left to lose or live for, Kresk seizes Avnet’s gun. He learns the whereabouts of the coins and assumes the courage to take destiny into his own hands -nothing is going to stop him. But pandemonium ensues when Kresk enlists the help of his old friend Andy Brauer (David Cross), hires his own hit man (Elijah Wood) to bump someone off, and discover’s that his bratty nephew Scottie (Devon Drewitz) has swallowed the precious coins. Kresk’s activities set off a chain of events that brings police Sgt. Meredith Kolko (Salma Hayek) onto the case of the missing coins. And matters get even more complicated when Kresk realizes he’s in love with Sgt. Kolko. Now Kresk faces his ultimate dilemma – which will it be, the cop or the coins?