Every now and then, you come across a celebrity video that has fallen into obscurity that is well worth (re)discovering. Well, dear reader, this week, we’d like to present to you a video of Steven Seagal selling you wine — straight from the depths of 1990. And yes, it is far better than that same year’s Hard to Kill.
The video, which was part of Celebrity Guide to Wine, also features Seagal’s then-wife Kelly LeBrock, who appears coming home late, apologizing for the traffic. She asks, “The usual?” to Steven Seagal before reaching for a bottle of wine that she continuously, uh, handles, like somebody who has never held a bottle of wine before. “This better be good,” he says – and you know just what he means…Hey, even now-washed-up actors could be subtle once in a while…
After opening the wine bottle between her legs and with a wink, an air kiss and a peculiar sigh, Kelly LeBrock pours Steven Seagal a glass. To this, he tells her, “You’ve done well,” to which she replies, “I hope that was as good for you as it was for me.” His response? “I have a feeling it, uh, may have even been better.” The video leads to a hilariously cringey play off of Lauren Bacall’s line in 1944’s To Have and Have Not, in which she asks Humphrey Bogart, “You know how to whistle, don’t you?” (As an avid Bogart fan, I’d like to point out that his character’s nickname in that film was Steve and thus this ad completely botched an opportunity. But hey, odds are there isn’t a huge Bogart/Seagal overlap…) Seagal’s response definitely puts a cork in the promo.
But don’t worry, Celebrity Guide to Wine doesn’t just feature Steven Seagal. The full video, which is readily available online, also boasts the talents of Whoopi Goldberg, Dudley Moore, Peter Weller, Robert Loggia, and more. As per TV Guide, “Spago restaurant maître d’ Bernard Erpicum hosts this program featuring Hollywood stars as they share tips for choosing the best wine for any occasion.” Seagal’s tip is apparently to make the experience of opening a bottle of wine as overtly sexual as possible.
Other than Celebrity Guide to Wine, what is your favorite Steven Seagal video out there? Give us your favorite Seagal performance below!