So it’s come to this – fans freak out over rumors of a Butthole Cut of Cats

Last Updated on August 2, 2021

Who would have thought that CATS would be the thing to bring us together in these troubled times. Tom Hooper's feature-film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's acclaimed musical was released to scathing reviews and a disastrous box-office in December, but here we are, three months into the new year amidst a global pandemic, still talking about it.

Just days after CATS damn near swept the 40th Razzie Awards, intriguing rumours have emerged of (best to take a deep breath here) a Butthole Cut of the film. Your confusion is understandable, allow me to explain. Writer/producer Ben Mekler took to Twitter yesterday to state his desire for a tell-all book about the production of CATS, which prompted writer Jack Waz to chime in with the following revelation.

Move over, Snyder Cut! You've got some competition! Hollywood folks quickly jumped onboard the bandwagon, with STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI's Rian Johnson, The Haunting of Hill House's Mike Flanagan, Supergirl's Jon Cryer, Preacher's Seth Rogen, and more, all calling for Universal Pictures to #ReleaseTheButtholeCut of CATS. What a time to be alive.

Before you get too excited about a possible butthole cut of CATS (words I never thought I'd write), Ben Mekler provided an update on Twitter earlier today, saying that a VFX crewmember on CATS emailed him, asking to remain anonymous, and explained what was really going on. "There were never shots of cats with butt holes," the anonymous VFX source said. "Or at least by design, none that I saw anyway. However, there were a dozen or so shots where the skin and fur sim was groomed or just folded in a way that really REALLY looked like very furry lady genitals and buttholes by accident. The task (as typical with heavy CG shows) fell on 2D to paint out the offending articles where it was brought up and spotted. Daily reviews were constant awkward discussions of people plucking up the courage to point things like this out; 'does that look like a fanny to you?'" Mekler is also known for his humourous fake reviews of upcoming movies, which begs the question: Is any of this true? Who the hell knows, but the Butthole Cut is a part of your life now, whether you want it or not.