Snakes on a Plane

A bunch of snakes are let loose on a plane and bedlam ensues. Yeah…that’s it!!

I was one of those people who was completely stoked about seeing this film when the hype first started building at the beginning of the year, but I was also one of those people who started to lose interest in the film (and the hype) around the beginning of the summer season, which I believe would have been the perfect time to release this movie, as opposed to the end of the summer, when people are already getting ready to go back to school and have had their share of “popcorn flicks”. That said, I was still excited as shit when the lights went down and the film which describes itself perfectly with its title alone, started unreeling before me on the big screen. Unlike most people, I wasn’t looking for an “It’s so bad, it’s good!” movie, as I was familiar with director David R. Ellis’ previous films and was expecting a cool-ass entertaining thriller instead, which when all was said and done, was exactly what was delivered with fun energy, suspense and a decent balance of laughs/action/gore. Add that to the perfect casting of one Samuel L. Jackson as the mutherfuckin’ leader of the pack in the plane, along with an ideal R-rating, plenty of spastic snakes (on crack?) and even some T&A for the kidlets, and the film hit dead-center on most of the targets at which it was aiming, particularly the “fun adventure on a plane” mark.

I was actually quite impressed with the number of gory shots in the film, and I have to truly thank everyone involved in this production for raising it from a PG-13 rating to a much-deserved R-rating, which definitely helped make the film that much funner. I can’t imagine this movie without the gory “money shots” of the snakes biting cock and tit, or people swearing as people would do on a plane packed with mutherfuckin’ snakes (!!), as well as the obligatory sequence featuring two hotties rubbing naked chests up against one another in an airplane bathroom. Thank you, thank you, thank you for having all that in this film. I’m not sure I would have liked the PG-13 version of this film much. That said, the movie also packs a number of funny one-liners including my personal favorite (which felt like an ode to the Arrow’s very awesome metaphors in his reviews) in which the plane’s pilot said something along the lines of, “This plane is gonna drop down faster than a Thai hooker!”. Classic shit. I also respected the fact that the filmmakers didn’t hold back on the nastiness with close-up shots of good people and bad people getting ravaged by the slime-balls, as well as women, kids and even the fuckin’ pets…nice!!

All of the characters in the film were pretty one-dimensional to be sure, but I like the fact that they actually presented them all to us before boarding, so that we knew a little about them when the shit went down. And boy did the shit ever go down! And once Samuel L. Jackson had his fill of the snakes, the muthafuckers got exactly what they weren’t looking for, which if the film is a great success, might lead to SNAKES ON A BOAT or SNAKES IN A BACKPACK or some other goofball title. Of course, anyone who attempts to look at this movie in a serious manner might need to have their head examined, as it clearly is simply just “having fun”, and despite a slow start, and not-so-amazing ending, I laughed, chuckled, sprung back and even grabbed by own crotch at one point (or was that the lady next to me…sorry mom), as the film delivered plenty of amusement, especially when the snakes got loose on the plane and chaos reigned. By the way, am I the only person who thinks the film’s theme song (played during the end credits) reeks of 80s euro-trash synth pop crap? C’mon man…this movie deserves better than that! All in all though, a fuckin’ blast for anyone who appreciates scares, laughs and all-out entertainment in their summer flicks. I only wish the film had been presented in 3D as well…now that would have been doubly awesome!

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian