Scary Movie 2

Something about a bunch of kids going into a haunted house and playing out parodies of other horror and non-horror movies. Oh yeah, there’s also something about a ghost possessing the mansion and shit, but trust me, you won’t care much about the “plot” in this film…

Parody movies either work or they don’t and this one just doesn’t work! The laughs aren’t as pronounced this time around, the energy level, the gags and all of the characters just seem to be going through the motions here. It’s like they were all in a hurry to finish the film or something (wink, wink). And the scariest part of it all? Check out the number of screenwriters it took to pen this puppy: seven! I say again, it took seven people to write 82-minutes worth of fart jokes, half-assed stunts and spoofs of films other than horror. Now I’m not exactly sure if each of the writers wrote their own parts separately or just tossed “funny sketch” ideas out there while smoking the chronic themselves, but the end result is a film that basically plays out like an extended skit on “Saturday Night Live”. There are a couple of funny one-liners, but mostly just rehashed one-joke scenes, a lot of dead silence and lame gags. Add to that the very unoriginal title and movie poster and you gotta start asking yourself if anybody was even trying here (the film’s website isn’t even up yet!!! What the f***?!?). I do however have to give it up to James Woods, the man who opens up this movie with the funniest parody of them all (the EXORCIST take-off– miss this and you’ve missed any reason to see the flick). I especially liked his one-liner as he walked in to see the possessed woman’s head turning. Very funny!

Unfortunately, the film plummets straight down after that, with dumb parodies of many teen flicks that have nothing to do with horror such as SAVE THE LAST DANCE and DUDE, WHERE’S MY CAR, and other action movies like CHARLIE’S ANGELS and MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2. Now help me figure this one out, will you? Isn’t this supposed to be a parody film of HORROR MOVIES?!? (or maybe that’s just the title of the film F-ing with my head). Well, I’m sorry to have to say this but the only horror in this film is its lame-ass script! The Wayans brothers should have known better than to look towards the Weinstein brothers (money) instead of the Zucker brothers (comedy) for this sequel. Unfortunately for us, all we’re left with here is a skeleton of a film which might’ve been funny, had it been worked over a few more times, tightened up here and there, and been injected with more solid laughs. But as things stand now, there is no doubt in my mind that the obvious greed to capitalize on the success of last year’s film has led everyone down this path, so screw them for not trying as hard (critically speaking, of course). You should all be ashamed of yourselves for not putting enough “real” effort into this chop-job and for not providing your fans with the ultimate of your talents. Pooh on you! (That’s telling ’em, JoBlo! Sheesh)

BTW, I’m allotting one point alone to actress Kathleen Robertson, whose massive breasts and skanky g-string had me chompin’ at the bit. You go, girl! Everyone else…stay!

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian