Review: Immortals

PLOT: In Ancient Greece, the evil King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) seeks a mythical golden bow, that will unleash the banished Titans upon the world, damning mankind to slavery. Forbidden to interfere in the affairs of man, Zeus (Luke Evans) and his fellow Gods must watch in anguish as Hyperion gets closer to capturing the sage Phaedra (Freida Pinto), who knows the location of the bow. Humanity’s only hope is the peasant warrior Theseus (Henry Cavill), who was trained by Zeus himself, in the guise of an old man (John Hurt). But does Theseus have what it takes to vanquish an army?

REVIEW: Based on the trailers, one wouldn’t be far off in guessing that IMMORTALS plays out like a cross between 300 and the remake of CLASH OF THE TITANS. Indeed, it takes the 300 fetishism (lots of well oiled heroes with abs, and villains that dig bondage) and sadism and mingles it with the Greeks Gods and monsters of CLASH OF THE TITANS. The result? Surprisingly watchable actually.

To be sure, there’s plenty wrong with IMMORTALS. For one thing, the script is a mess, and only exists to move characters from one battle to another. Forget getting to know any of the heroes, including leading man Theseus. They’re all just stock characters, including the tortured hero (out to avenge his mother), and the wise-ass sidekick (Stephen Dorff- who’s been hitting the gym since SOMEWHERE). There’s the marginal love interest (the gorgeous Freida Pinto) who’s so obviously only included to make room for a sex scene (complete with a generous shot of Pinto’s gorgeous rear- although it might be a body double) that once the deed is done, she essentially disappears from the film, despite having about an hour to go.

Still, it’s got a sort of high camp vibe going for it that kind of makes the movie work. This is mostly due to the efforts of director Tarsem Singh. Visually, the film is striking- especially in 3D (which for once is calibrated to make night scenes easy to discern), and as a visual stylist, he’s tough to beat (bad as THE CELL was, the imagery was memorable). Tarsem seems to know what kind of a film he’s making, so he doesn’t skimp on the excess factor, with lots of hardcore decapitations, bloody sword battles, and even a memorable, squirm inducing castration.

As the villainous Hyperion, Rourke seems to be having a grand old time chewing the scenery, and his climatic mano-a-mano with Cavill is memorable. As for the future SUPERMAN, Cavill makes an appealing hero, although his characterization is merely the greatest hits from other, better movies like BRAVEHEART & 300 (complete with A LOT of speechifying). It remains to be seen whether or not he’s got the charisma to pull off SUPERMAN, but physically, he’s got presence (although I hear he packed on an additional twenty pounds of muscle onto his already muscular frame). Luke Evans, of the wretched 3D MUSKETEERS, makes an enjoyable Zeus, although I can’t help but feel he deserves a better vehicle for his talents. TWILIGHT fans will be happy to see Kellan Lutz turn up as the God Poseidon, although I must admit I was more interested in ogling the gorgeous Isabel Lucas as Athena.

Certainly, IMMORTALS is a ridiculous movie, but thanks to Tarsem’s visuals and an abundance of action, it’s a passable enough time-filler. It’s certainly better CLASH OF THE TITANS (the remake of course), and worth seeing if you’re into this type of thing. It’s good, cheesy fun.