FIRESTORM (2010)
Rating: 2 1/2 out of 4 /Buy the DVD Here
Tagline: Fight fire with fire.
Directed by: Dean Semler
Starring: Howie Long, Scott Glenn, William Forsythe, Suzy Amis and Barry Pepper
THE PLAN: Wise-ass bad guy Randall Shaye orchestrates a none-too-easily-accomplished style of jailbreak: He pays somebody to set a fire in the forest right after which he and some fellow prisoners are dispatched to help stop it. (This town is pretty short-handed, apparently.) In the ensuing inferno, Shaye and his cohorts escape, while smokejumper Jesse Graves lands on the scene to land a hand – and eventually thwart the villains’ escape.
THE KILL:
At some point toward the end of FIRESTORM – which I had never seen before this viewing – I wondered if I really wanted to write about it. Truth be told, it’s not a very good flick. Surely you don’t expect a movie starring Howie Long to be of a particularly high quality, but this was even hovering below the modest expectations I had for it. It’s derivative, silly and corny, giving us situations and characters we’ve seen a dozen time before… However, when the film was over, I thought about it for a moment, and realized it was still an ideal REEL ACTION entry. Why? Because they just don’t make ’em like this anymore – at least not on this scale.
“You can handle this, right Howie? Good, cuz I don’t want to be in this movie too much.”
Howie Long stars as Jesse Graves, leader of a small squad of woodland firefighters whose job it is to jump directly into a forest fire and, well, fight it. It’s a pretty small crew for a very large forest, but fires aren’t the only problem in this particular scenario: Master criminal Randall Shaye (William Forsythe) has orchestrated a rampaging fire to coincide with his escape from a prison bus, along with four other louts. (Barry Pepper, playing a pervert, is the only recognizable face among them.) Naturally, our hero Jesse will get caught in the middle of the bad guys and the inferno, with the obligatory woman in peril (Suzy Amis) in the mix. Luckily, Jesse’s skills with a… well, he doesn’t have a particular skill, but he’s not a complete moron so he’s able to stay alive, while Forsythe’s character actually does all the killing of the bad guys (he promised them money to help him escape, but ultimately finds he’d rather not pay them). All Jesse has to do is not f*ck things up, and he’s golden.
They were still making trailers this cheesy in the late 90s?
Long is… capable, in his first – and last- leading man role. He doesn’t embarrass himself and has a likable enough disposition, but it’s easy to see why this wasn’t the beginning of a new career for the former gridiron great. As with most movies of this sort, the show is stolen by the villain, and William Forsythe was born for roles like these. With oily black hair and a perpetual smirk, Forsythe goes the “faux polite” route with Randall Shaye; you know, he calls everyone “Mister” and is sardonically courteous, quite obviously condescending toward everyone in his path. It’s the opposite of his batshit-crazy “Richie” character from OUT FOR JUSTICE, another RA film in which he’s an evil sonofabitch. Of course, Steven Seagal is a more formidable opponent than Howie Long, but Forsythe is up to the task of stealing scenes from just about anybody.
Could you imagine a movie like this being released theatrically now? Most flicks of this ilk get the straight-to-DVD treatment; any moderate budgeted action film that does get a theatrical release stars Jason Statham and revels in high-tech gadgetry and complex kung-fu fight choreography. FIRESTORM is still living in the late 80s/early 90s (even though it came out in January of 1998 – and if any movie ever screamed January release…) with its ample helpings of “aw shucks!” idealism and groan-worthy humor. Long’s Jesse character isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but that’s what makes this movie kind of, I dunno, quaint. It may not be very good, but it’s engaging in that nostalgic kind of way. If you’re a sucker for what I’m rapping about here, then FIRESTORM might make you smile.
Now we know what Howie’s “O” face looks like…
TOP DEATH: One baddie gets his head roasted by a wave of flames. His head ends up looking like a burnt sausage mcmuffin.
TOP ACTION: The pretty cool chase sequence involving Howie Long and Suzy Amis on a motorcycle fleeing from Forsythe and his gang includes a thrown chainsaw and an impromptu parachute jump. Not too shabby.
FEMALE EXPLOITATION: Suzy Amis plays a birdwatcher or something. Nothing sexy about her, just forget about it. (Brief trivia: this came out only a few weeks after TITANIC, which Amis was also in. Always wondered what Jim Cameron thought of this career choice.)
HOMOEROTIC MOMENT: Really nothing of that sort here, although Barry Pepper’s haircut is kinda… nevermind.
TOP DIALOGUE: Long to Amis after they went through hell to save her bag: “I hope there’s something important in there. Damn important. Like save-the-lives-of-children-around-the-world important.”
DRINKING GAME: Drink every time Forsythe addresses the lowly cons he’s with as “gentlemen”. The temptation to set a fire to your front yard just so you can fight it will soon become overwhelming.
TRIVIA: A professional parachutist died during the filming of a stunt sequence.
Director Dead Semler is a cinematographer by trade; he won an Oscar for 1990’s DANCES WITH WOLVES.