Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Captain Jack Sparrow is back on the high seas, this time, searching for a special key that will unlock a little something-something called the Dead Man’s Chest. Along the way, a pissed-off pirate by the name of Davy Jones runs into him, and wants to nab his soul. So, as per any great pirate, Sparrow trades down and continues on his search. At the same time, Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley also join the party & the chase, the swash-buckling, the back-stabbin’ pirates, the ass-to-mouth…all that fun stuff, ensues!

Looks like Disney hit the lotto with this franchise. Not only have they snagged three ultra-hot actors to star in their pirate trilogy, but they’re running an “all ages” gamut that would have everyone from my granny to my parents to my drinking buddies, my sister and her gossipy friends and even soccer moms and asshole dads, loving this shit! It’s the ultimate summer action-adventure creature-feature with tons of action, plenty of adventure, oodles of fun, a tinge of romance, a gaggle of creepy underwater pirates, monsters and anything else you could imagine stuffed inside a two-and-a-half hour fun-ride that tops its predecessor in pace, action, special effects and ultimately (for me, at least), entertainment. This is the movie that everyone has likely been waiting for all summer, so that they can hang back, roll a J, swig a Coke, slap some nachos down their throats and make out with their better half, as they watch an all-out bag o’ cinematic fun unroll before their eyes. Yeah, I might be overselling this puppy, but after watching SUPERMAN RETURNS invest $225+ million into a good motion picture that doesn’t seem to have much of that dough “on the screen”, I can honestly say that PIRATES 2 (with an even lower budget), puts every single one of its dimes on the screen…and more! (and they also gotta pay three well-known actors)

The final hour of this movie is almost non-stop action, with special effects and characters melded by CGI truly taking the film to a whole other level of fun. I’m not exactly sure how Davy Jones and his pack of gnarly pirates were created, but I imagine that it was a combination of actual dudes in grungy outfits and plenty of computer wizardry, but it all works to perfection and in a film such as this, it all comes together to create an epic otherworld that is both believable and highly enjoyable to watch—unless you’re creeped out by stuff like that, in which case, their barnacle-pimpled faces might not suit your fancy. Sure, the film doesn’t necessarily start off with a bang, but as soon as the “adventure” gets going, I don’t think the film let up for a minute with cannibals, nasty pirates, swashbuckling and something called “The Cracken” (two words: awe-some!) all jockeying for position throughout the film’s many enjoyable sequences. But even with the action and adventure aside, let’s not forget about the three lead characters who all do admirable jobs here, specifically the man who goes by the name of Jonathan Depp, who once more steals plenty of scenes and continues to have a blast with his over-the-top pirate with questionable scruples.

Kudos to Disney for creating a movie that stars a man without a perfect moral stance, and with plenty of love for “the drink”. My kind of guy! I do wish there had been more of Keira Knightley though (she only shows up about halfway through the flick and even then, she’s fully dressed…bummer) and more bloody stuff and gore, but it’s the house of Mickey Mouse after all, so don’t go in expecting anything over and above its PG-13 rating. There are plenty of kills and fights and what-not though, but none feature anything too graphic, with plenty of off-camera stuff left to the imagination of the viewer. But the film’s enjoyable nonetheless, with a peppy score booming through every scene, action up the backside and even a tender moment or two, with a reason to care about certain peoples (go Skarsgaard!). One thing that you really do need to know though is that this film is the middle part of the trilogy, so do NOT expect it to finish…smoothly. The ending is about as abrupt as they come, and will leave those in the audience who are not aware of a third movie, wondering what the hell just happened (as per certain people in my audience). I think it would have been wise of Disney to fade to black and announce something like “See you all next summer for PIRATES 3” or some shit, but alas, I knew what was up with the series, and dug the way they laid this one out in a sweet cliffhanger as they did. Yet another pirates life for me…next summer! Note: Unlike many others, I didn’t go ga-ga over the original PIRATES flick. I thought it was “alright”, but this one is the bee’s knees.

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian