It goes without saying that there are many celebrities whose voices are capable of soothing even the most savage of beasts. For me, I could listen to the dulcet tones of James Earl Jones, Tom Waits, Helen Mirren, Benedict Wong or Peter Stormare read a phone book and I'd gladly hang on every word. They're like my celebrity ASMR.
The reason I'm touching on the subject of velvety voices is because today it's been announced that Nick Offerman's NSFW Audible Original series BEDTIME STORIES FOR CYNICS is back with a new season featuring 12 dark, adult bedtime stories. Ah, but the PARKS AND RECREATION alum won't be alone when trying to lull you to sleep with his fairy tales of terror, not at all. Joining him for the show's newest presentation will be special guests Patrick Stewart, Ellen Page, Alia Shawkat, and more!
Here's the show's full description below:
Make sure the kids aren’t around! Just because you’re a grown-up doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the art of the children’s bedtime story. Nick Offerman presents this collection of 12 short stories written in the style of a classic kids' tale, but with a decidedly dark and adult approach. What really happened after Snow White died, from the perspective of the one medically trained dwarf? A naive wizard professor reports back from the trenches of an underprivileged school of magic. A middle-aged man is haunted by the voices of his own aging body. The stories will make you laugh, cry and probably squirm a little. All performed by actors like Patrick Stewart, Alia Shawkat, Ellen Page, Mike Birbiglia, and many more.
As your attorney I advise you grab yourself a cup of warm milk and head on over to Audible.com to check out Offerman's latest offerings for a hilarious and somewhat unnerving bit of bedtime preparation.