Last Updated on March 21, 2022
PLOT: In 1989, A former marine (Cole Hauser) mourning the death of his wife is recruited by a C.I.A. agent (Mel Gibson) to trade arms in Panama, only to become wrapped up in political upheaval and the U.S. invasion of Panama.
REVIEW: I must admit, I was psyched to see this movie. Of course, I skip any DTV action movies starring one of my childhood heroes, such as Bruce Willis and Mel Gibson, as usually, they’re simple paycheck roles, which I certainly won’t judge them for. Of course, as a fan, it’s my choice not to watch those kinds of movies, but Panama seemed to be a cut above for a few reasons.
One was that it was based around the U.S. Invasion of Panama, a fascinating topic little explored in modern movies; the other was that Mark Neveldine helmed it. He used to be part of the filmmaking duo Neveldine/Taylor, and those two guys were responsible for some of my favorite grindhouse movies of the 2000s, including Crank and its even better sequel, Crank: High Voltage, plus Gamer. I even have a soft spot for the bug-nuts Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (I’m in the minority on this one). Brian Taylor did a great job with Mom & Dad a few years ago, so I was hoping Neveldine would kick some ass with this one.
Alas, Panama is just as bad as any other assembly-line DTV movie, and I have to question the logic of doing a period thriller when they clearly don’t have the money (or inclination) to evoke the 1989 setting in any way. There are not even any needle drops to set the mood, with a grievous example being a scene in the jungle when a solider actually says “welcome to the jungle” before hitting play on his boom box. Clearly, they were meant to blast Guns n’ Roses on the soundtrack, with the soldier even using his machine gun like a guitar, but instead, they just play generic score. If you’re going to tease “Welcome to the Jungle,” you have to play it. Heck, if they didn’t have the money, he could have said “let’s go Round & Round” and played some Ratt. Surely they could have afforded Ratt, considering the movie has dozens of credited executive producers listed in the endless opening credits?
The lack of period detail isn’t the only issue with Panama. The film stars Yellowstone‘s Cole Hauser, and he tries his best. He treats Panama like he’s in a serious movie and he’s an intimidating fellow. He has a hulking build and a low-key but threatening manner that makes him believable as a shady ex-marine doing some freelance work for the C.I.A. But, his story is so corny and recycled, with him mourning the death of his wife but ready to jump in the sack with any Latina hottie he crosses paths with. The finale, which features the sudden re-emergence of his sister-in-law in Panama, stretches credibility.
As for Mel Gibson, it’s hardly surprising that he’s barely in Panama. He shows up for five minutes at the beginning and maybe ten minutes at the end. He narrates the film in a groggy, unenthusiastic way that makes me think this was added last minute to make up for the confusing script. Gibson never phones it in, and when he’s on-screen, he’s magnetic. He and Hauser have chemistry (they made the silly action flick Paparazzi together), but Gibson was probably only on set for a day or two. You miss him when he’s offscreen, so when he finally shows up saying, ”this is when I come in to clean it up” about ten minutes before the movie ends, you’re happy to see him. Sadly, it’s too late to save the movie.
Panama is a bottom-of-the-barrel DTV effort, and don’t be lured in by the presence of Hauser or Gibson. It’s as bad as any Bruce Willis DTV movie I’ve seen, and it should be skipped. Hopefully, Neveldine bounces back and gets to make something that lives up to the promise of his early work. I doubt he’s ultimately responsible for how lame this ultimately is.
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