Original Sin

A rich guy who doesn’t believe in love, orders a mail-order bride for himself. That very evening, the couple is married and fall madly in love soon thereafter. But what’s this? One of them might not be the person they are pretending to be? Wow…a sin, indeed.

Easily one of the worst movies that I’ve seen all year. Too long, too boring, too predictable and too ridiculous for anyone interested in watching a good movie. What the hell were they thinking when they made this thing? (it’s no wonder that the film has been sitting on the racks for about a year) This felt like a really bad TV movie of the week, with some nudity stuffed in from time to time, just to wake up the audience. Have you ever switched channels and fallen upon one of those ridiculously melodramatic TV movies, one that you just couldn’t help but switch back to from time to time, just to make sure that it wasn’t part of some sick joke? Well, this movie is exactly like that, only it isn’t a joke, it isn’t on TV and you are asked to pay money to see it!! I say again…what the shite were they thinking? Okay, so where do I start? First of all, the trailer of this film gives away the movie’s main plot twist, the betrayal. So for the first half hour of the film, you’re basically just sitting there, watching these two “lovers” go through the motions until the “betrayal” occurs. Whoopee, big surprise. Second of all, Angelina Jolie is horribly miscast in this part. Why? Well, it’s like this: not for one second do you ever believe that she is not a nasty backstabbing woman! I mean, it’s like all of those people who complained about Jack Nicholson being psycho from the start of THE SHINING, well, the same goes here. Every look in Jolie’s eyes screams “psycho”!

Then of course, you have the case of the “patsy” husband, a man who just can’t seem to figure out anything in time. I mean…how boring is that for the audience? You’re watching this guy screw up time after time after time, and somehow, we’re supposed to feel sorry or care about this dude. No, thanks! And if we don’t care about him, and we really don’t care about her (she’s a beeyatch and as confused as we are about her actual motivations in the film), who the hell are we supposed to care about in this film? Well, I’ll tell you. The only thing that I was worrying about the whole way through this picture was whether or not I’d actually fall asleep before the end credits rolled. No suspense, no chemistry between the leads, no real love or passion, no sense of surprise, plenty of plot holes for everyone and an extra moronic ending. So why am I even giving this film a rating of three points? Well, it’s actually pretty simple. I liked the locations in the movie and the groovy score, but my primary reason for slipping three notches onto this bedpost is for the gratuitous shots of Jolie’s boobies (that’s two points right there!) and another one for Antonio’s ass (hairless, just for the record). Everything else in this movie was pointless, boring and just plain stupid. Try imagining a soft-porn movie…but without the plot! That’s pretty much what you’ve got here. A low point in the careers of both stars.

Oops, I almost forgot to mention the crappy dialogue…God oh mighty…make it stop!!

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian