With the recent announcement from Stallone himself that THE EXPENDABLES 2 will be rated PG-13 after Chuck Norris used a Jedi Mind Trick on him to change his mind (which is accomplished by a single “wink” from Norris), a slew of new images from the upcoming sequel have been released, showcasing the changes that have been made in order to shift from hard to softcore.
Check out the images below to see what changes have been made to accommodate the money-grubbing rating below.
Seems legit, right? I think Beiber being cast is probably a smart move. I hear he made the suggestion to use water balloons instead of grenades and will even perform the movie’s theme song, complete with an opening dance number.
The film’s new synopsis is as follows:
Realizing that kids have a hard time sneaking into R-Rated flicks and that it costs the studio 2.5 trillion dollars when this happens, Barney (Stallone) and his crew meet at the treehouse where they are hired by Bruce Willis to collect his prized stolen GI Joe action figure collection, which was taken by a Belgian karate coach/toy collector (Van Dammage). After getting their permission slips signed they stage a raid at his dojo with Nerf guns, water balloons, and TV-14 swear words and break in to take back the action figures. There, they encounter a disgraced security guard (Schwarzenegger) who will stop at nothing to get a Turbo Man action…shit, wrong movie…who will stop at nothing to keep Barney and friends from getting the figures back. Also, since blood can only be shown in limited quantities (except INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM, which was rated PG and they ripped f*cking hearts out!) they will save a shit-ton of cash in squibs.
Now, let’s be serious for a second. I liked the last half hour of THE EXPENDABLES and ONLY because it was non-stop badassery, complete with blood, bullets, explosions, and crippling kicks to the face, neck, and head. The first hour was obnoxiously awful. Now, they’re telling me that THE EXPENDABLES 2 is going to be just like the worst part of the first film, only with less blood, swearing, and violence. SOLD!
I’m a fan of most of the people involved in this film, especially Stallone, but it’s hard to get behind this monstrosity. It feels like cold, cold betrayal. This is a promise to put out after prom and then having your date pass out at the hotel. It’s a trip to Six Flags and all the ride’s are closed, except the kiddie park.
There’s always the possibility that it could actually be good. Of course, when we talk about possibilities, that means that Carrot Top could possibly win an Oscar one day. Guess we’ll find out on August 17, 2012 when Barney and friends take to the dance floor.