Nathan Lane says he’s the next James Bond as he pitches a geriatric 007 film

Last Updated on February 8, 2023

The name’s Lane. Nathan Lane.

Forget Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Call off your search for the next James Bond. Comedic actor Nathan Lane recently appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Lane, who can be seen in the recent smash hit, Only Murders in the Building, riffed on how he is the next actor to portray agent 007, James Bond, and went on a bit about pitching his idea for a “more mature direction” to be taken with pop culture secret agent according to ScreenRant.

“I’m the new James Bond. Now, before you start with the Twitter rants, hear me out. So [producer] Barbara Broccoli calls me and she says, ‘Nathan, we want to take Bond in a whole new, more mature direction. We think you’re the guy.’ So, I said, ‘Sure, Barbara, I’d be honored to follow in the footsteps of these great actors.’ And so she sent me the script. It’s called Octogenarianpussy, or The Spy Who Loved Metamucil. Bond is now at retirement age living in a country manor house with his wife, Pussy Galore, real name: Mildred Lefkowitz. He’s a little bored, he gets a job in customer service at the local Home Depot, and that’s when things get crazy.

There’s some very poignant scenes where Bond forgets his Apple ID and he and Q have to go to the Genius Bar. And a very, very powerful scene at Rite Aid when 007 goes up to the pharmacist and says, ‘Bond, Gold Bond. Will it help with my eczema?’ The heart of the story is Bond fighting for full pension and benefits while trying to balance the cost of top shelf vodka and Savile Row haberdashery on a fixed income. Sadly, his libido isn’t what it used to be. A Bond girl shows up at his hotel suite and says she’s there to offer him super sex. And he says, ‘Soup or sex? I think I’ll have the soup.”

Lane is also famous for his performances in Broadway plays as the funny actor can also sing and dance. He appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert to promote his new Broadway production of Pictures from Home.