This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity* and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it's time for another round of Movie Jail Updates, where we take a look at actors and filmmakers from previous trials, and based on new evidence, see if you think the defendants are still guilty or not guilty. Let's get right to it!
The Defendants
Things haven't been going that well for Johnny Depp since being declared not guilty back in July of 2013. While Into the Woods has done solid numbers and received decent reviews, the actor only had a supporting role in the film, and it's unlikely most people went to see the movie for his performance. The court had high hopes for Transcendence and Mortdecai, but (although the former was the subject of a recent Unpopular Opinion) both films were critical and financial failures. As for upcoming movies, Mr. Depp will appear in Kevin Smith's Yoga Hosers and will portray Boston crime boss Whitey Bulger in Scott Cooper's Black Mass. The court doesn't have a problem with those projects, however we definitely could do without another Pirates of the Caribbean and an Alice in Wonderland sequel. Has Mr. Depp used up the last of his goodwill, or do you think the actor still doesn't belong in Movie Jail?
Kevin Smith (who apparently now only wears hockey jerseys when making public appearances) was found not guilty in March 2013, however the court isn't completely sold on Mr. Smith's planned True North Trilogy. Some people really liked Tusk, but since many also hated The Human Centipede-esque film and it didn't receive the greatest reviews from critics (it's sitting at 39% at Rotten Tomatoes), the court is again considering the director for Movie Jail. Should we lock Mr. Smith up this time, or do you believe he should remain a free man?
Speaking of Kevin Smith, his Dogma and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back star Chris Rock has only been behind bars for a little less than seven months, however his Top Five has received extremely positive reviews, so the court is open to releasing him from Movie Jail. Yes, it's only one movie, but Mr. Rock also wrote and directed the film. It's just a shame more people would rather see him in an Adam Sandler movie than a film like Top Five. Has Mr. Rock done enough time, or do you think we should keep him in prison, far away from Mr. Sandler and his Happy Madison Productions?
IN CLOSING…
What are your thoughts on Johnny Depp, Kevin Smith and Chris Rock? Should we toss Mr. Depp and Mr. Smith in prison for their recent films, and release Mr. Rock? Or do you believe we got it right the first time?
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyway, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
Director Jason Reitman was found NOT GUILTY of all charges in last week's trial. Jury members said Mr. Reitman's last two movies weren't as strong as his older ones like Thank You for Smoking and Up in the Air, but that doesn't mean we should incarcerate him, especially since he's only directed six feature films. Perhaps we will put Mr. Reitman up for Movie Jail again after the release of his I Would Only Rob Banks for My Family, if it ends up being another poor showing from the director.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd, Uma Thurman, Josh Duhamel, Saw Franchise (Halloween Edition), Zach Braff, Sam Worthington, Melissa McCarthy
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Edition), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, Ivan Reitman, Stephen Sommers, Shawn Levy, Jai Courtney, Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Luc Besson, Jason Reitman
UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler, Jessica Alba, Julia Roberts and The Farrelly Brothers, Ben Stiller, Tim Burton and Shia LaBeouf