This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it's time for another round of Movie Jail Updates, where we take a look at actors and filmmakers from previous trials, and based on new evidence, see if you think the defendants are still guilty or not guilty. Let's get right to it!
The Defendants
Jessica Alba has been locked up in Movie Jail for over two years, and the court is considering paroling the actress after checking her out in Stretch and the IFC miniseries The Spoils of Babylon. Her Sin City sequel wasn't as well-received as the first one, however the court still thought she did a great job in the Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller film. Miss Alba might not be a fantastic actress, but do you think she still belongs in the slammer?
The court was all about sending Julia Roberts to prison last year, however now we actually kind of miss the actress. She's only appeared in two projects since her trial, and although August: Osage County didn't receive outstanding reviews, Miss Roberts was nominated for an Academy Award for her performance. She also starred in the critically acclaimed HBO film The Normal Heart, and the court is up for releasing her, as long as she stays away from movies like Eat, Pray, Love and Valentine's Day.
With only 25% of critics giving Dumb and Dumber To a fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes, you might be surprised to see Peter and Bobby Farrelly up for parole after being found guilty back in 2012. But since many also didn't care for the first movie, the court says "critics, schmitics": What did YOU think of the Dumb and Dumber sequel? Do you believe The Farrelly Brothers should remain in prison, or should we give them a second chance?
IN CLOSING…
What should we do with Jessica Alba, Julia Roberts and The Farrelly Brothers? Do you think they still belong in Movie Jail, or do you believe we should release them based on their most recent work? Have you enjoyed their projects as of late, or do you think it's just been more of the same, and not very good?
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
The jury has reached a verdict for last week's trial of Sam Worthington, declaring the actor GUILTY of all charges. While some jury members said Mr. Worthington seems like a decent guy, many also said they haven't been impressed with most of his films, as well as his performances in them. Don't feel too bad for Mr. Worthington though. He's going to be very busy soon working on James Cameron's bitchin' Avatar sequels.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd, Uma Thurman, Josh Duhamel, Saw Franchise (Halloween Edition), Zach Braff, Sam Worthington
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Edition), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, Ivan Reitman, Stephen Sommers, Shawn Levy
UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler