Welcome to Movie Jail, a facility like any other, only its inmates are Hollywood writers, directors, actors and producers. This column will serve as a
Movie Jail
trial. We will put one defendant on trial; lay out arguments for the Prosecution and Defense. And we leave it up to YOU, the reader, to decide whether the
defendant
is guilty of his or her crime. What crime? The crime of consistently being a stinking shithouse.
The Defendant
Ben Stiller
The Case
The Prosecution: The Watch, Tower Heist, Little Fockers, Meet the Fockers, Night at the Museum 2, School for Scoundrels, Envy, The
Heartbreak Kid, Duplex *
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, when we threw Vince
Vaughn’s ass on trial, it was brought up more than once that Ben Stiller also deserved to be thrown on trial, and since this court is nothing but fair (and
drunk most of the time), we must oblige the jury. Now, we’re not saying Mr. Stiller doesn’t have box office appeal. Movies likes There’s Something About Mary
and Meet the Parents
made Stiller a household name and gave him legitimate office cred. But so what? Aside from the very successful Madagascar movies,
Stiller has flopped critically over the years with The Watch, The Big Year, Little Fockers, Meet the Fockers and a slew of other movies. In fact, the majority
of Stiller’s films over the past 10 years have been “rotten” on Rotten Tomatoes.
Sure, Tower Heist made its money back, but just barely, and though it has a 68% rating
on Rotten Tomatoes by critics, the audience rating shows their contempt for the flick with 51%. It’s become obvious to the prosecution that America has had it with
the “aw shucks” bumbling, “nice guys finish last until the end of the movie” schtick that seems to permeate through all of his roles. No one is doubting the man’s work
ethic since he averages three movies a year, but the odds that any of those three movies will be anything worthwhile these days are very slim. The prosecution moves
for a guilty verdict to show Mr. Stiller that just because you CAN put out three movies a year as the same character, doesn’t mean you should.
The Defense: There’s Something About Mary, Zoolander, Permanent Midnight, Tropic Thunder, Night at the Museum, Dodgeball, Meet the Parents,
Along Came Polly, The Royal Tenenbaums*
Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, all this nonsense about critic ratings and box office numbers means nothing at the end of the day. Has Mr. Stiller had some bumps in
the road? Sure. But what actor with a resume like Stiller’s hasn’t had bumps in the road? The man
has been acting, writing, directing and producing since the mid 80s. Whether it was the hilarious and overlooked The Ben Stiller Show or directing shorts for
SNL, the man has kept busy and worked to create his own brand. Has his brand grown old? No, the prosecution has. It’s clear that the people who want to see the Ben
Stiller brand, are going out to see it. Where’s the crime here? Yeah, there are some risks to your brand when you keep busy and spread yourself out in Hollywood, but
Mr. Stiller is always creating, always keeping active, and that shouldn’t be a crime. Tower Heist may have not been big for audiences, but that was likely due
to Movie Jail inmate Eddie Murphy. Come to think of it, he
was also in The Watch with another Movie Jail inmate, Vince
Vaugh. You know what? Whatever. Why you gotta bring up old shit?
IN CLOSING…
So, what’s to be done with Mr. Ben Stiller? Has he, like the aforementioned Vince Vaugh, gone on too long with the same ol’ same? What’s wrong with
the same schtick, if it works? On the other hand, does the schtick even work at this point? And the
most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into
consideration, we ask
you The Jury, is Ben Stiller GUILTY or NOT GUILTY? Let’s hear YOUR arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.
*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so relax.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK’S VERDICT
It is the jury’s decision that after reviewing
last week’s evidence, the court finds The Farrelly Brothers
GUILTY of all charges. The jury concludes that there definitely was a time and place for the duos’ style of humor, but that time and place has long since
passed. Their brand of “gross out” humor has simply not progressed or evolved since the 90s and for that, the jury sentences the duo to Movie Jail until further
notice.