This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity* and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Defendants
The Case
The Prosecution: Jupiter Ascending, Cloud Atlas, Speed Racer, The Matrix Reloaded, The Matrix Revolutions
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Andy and Lana Wachowski's Jupiter Ascending hit theaters over the weekend, and as expected, it was another expensive misfire from the filmmakers. It's very unlikely the movie will make back its budget ($176 million), even if it does well internationally.
But The Wachowskis aren't up for Movie Jail just because their last three films have bombed at the box office. Although it's still early, right now Jupiter Ascending is their lowest reviewed movie yet at Rotten Tomatoes, and their Speed Racer was torn apart by critics as well. Cloud Atlas has its fans, but there are also plenty of people who hate the film. While many consider The Matrix to be one of the greatest sci-fi movies of all time, the prosecution, like most fans of the first movie, was extremely disappointed with the sequels. V for Vendetta (which they wrote and served as second unit directors) is an entertaining and popular flick, but one could argue it isn't as good or as deep as the source material.
The Wachowskis are inventive and talented directors with big ideas, but the problem has been the execution of said ideas. Last year Lana said her and her brother are going to take a break after their upcoming Netflix series Sense8, so maybe they'll come back with a vengeance after taking a sabbatical. However, the prosecution still thinks the duo needs to spend a significant amount of time in prison, although they probably don't need to serve a life sentence for their crimes.
The Defense: Cloud Atlas, Speed Racer, V for Vendetta, The Matrix Trilogy, Bound
Ladies and gentlemen, The Wachowskis' films since The Matrix have polarized audiences and critics, however the defense doesn't believe they belong in Movie Jail.
Speed Racer is an incredibly misunderstood movie with fantastic visuals, and while many people thought Cloud Atlas was a complete mess, others hailed it as one of the best movies of 2012. Perhaps The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions weren't as strong as the first film, but the defense still enjoyed the sequels. While Jupiter Ascending probably won't develop a cult following like Speed Racer, some people thought it was an exciting and fun movie.
With such mixed reviews for their films, the defense doubts the jury will be able to come to an agreement on what the court should do with The Wachowskis, which means they will more than likely be found not guilty, as they should be. The defense would rather have them working on projects than stuck behind bars, and we are quite confident most jury members will feel the same way. Yes, there will be more than a few who think The Wachowskis are a couple of hacks who just happen to have a decent eye for visuals, but we don't believe the filmmakers will receive enough guilty votes to convict them.
IN CLOSING…
Do you believe The Wachowskis are still brilliant filmmakers, or do you think we should have tossed them in prison a long time ago? Do their good films outweigh their bad ones, or have you been unimpressed with their post-The Matrix movies? Are Andy and Lana Wachowski GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyway, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICTS
In last week's Movie Jail Updates, the jury declared Tusk director Kevin Smith NOT GUILTY for a second time, and thanks to his Top Five, you also decided to release Chris Rock from prison. Mr. Smith recently finished filming Yoga Hosers (the second part of his True North trilogy), and although Mr. Rock doesn't have any directing projects in the works, the court is hopeful he will get a chance to helm another film.
And although some jury members still had Johnny Depp's back, the actor has been found GUILTY of all charges. It seems Mr. Depp's Transcendence and Mortdecai were the final straws for most of the jury, however a few said we should have locked him up the first time he was being considered for Movie Jail. Tough break Mr. Depp, but you have no one to blame but yourself.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd, Uma Thurman, Josh Duhamel, Saw Franchise (Halloween Edition), Zach Braff, Sam Worthington, Melissa McCarthy
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Edition), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, Ivan Reitman, Stephen Sommers, Shawn Levy, Jai Courtney, Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Luc Besson, Jason Reitman
UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler, Jessica Alba, Julia Roberts and The Farrelly Brothers, Ben Stiller, Tim Burton and Shia LaBeouf, Johnny Depp, Kevin Smith & Chris Rock