This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Defendants
The Case
The Prosecution: The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Star Trek Into Darkness, Cowboys & Aliens, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, The Island, The Legend of Zorro
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, although Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman have ended their writing relationship when it comes to movies, the prosecution has decided they should still be tried together since they've worked on so many projects together. Oh, and because both definitely deserve to go to Movie Jail.
The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Cowboys & Aliens and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen all have two things in common: the screenplays were written by the duo, and they were incredibly disappointing. At least the screenwriters (kind of) got things right with the first Transformers. The defense will likely argue it's not as if Orci and Kurtzman were the only ones involved in developing the scripts for many of their films and all of the blame shouldn't fall on them, however the prosecution thinks that's a cop out. Sure, Caspian Tredwell-Owen received a "story by" credit for The Island, but is the defense really going to try to hold him responsible for the movies' failures?
The prosecution just hasn't been impressed with most of Orci and Kurtzman's movies. They may have done a solid job with J.J. Abrams' Star Trek, but the prosecution believes they dropped the ball big time with Star Trek Into Darkness, which is probably the main reason why many aren't happy Orci will be behind the camera for Star Trek 3. Meanwhile Kurtzman is currently building a cinematic universe featuring Universal's classic movie monsters and will write/direct a Venom movie for Sony, but it doesn't seem like most people are that excited for either project, and like with Orci, we think it's because of his unremarkable work on previous films.
Michael Bay and Transformers 2-4 scribe Ehren Kruger are already locked up in prison, and the prosecution strongly believes Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci need to join them in Movie Jail.
The Defense: Star Trek Into Darkness, People Like Us, Star Trek, Transformers, Mission Impossible 3
Ladies and gentlemen, while the prosecution believes my clients should be tried together, the defense thinks we should wait to see what the screenwriters are capable of doing on their own first before possibly sending them to Movie Jail.
It's not like Orci and Kurtzman's movies have all received negative reviews and/or bombed at the box office, and they've proved they can deliver a solid movie. The defense thinks they did fantastic work with both Star Trek flicks, and still consider Mission Impossible 3 to be the best MI film to date. Although the duo tend to write scripts for big franchise movies, their People Like Us (which was also directed by Kurtzman) is actually a solid little drama.
And yes, other screenwriters besides my clients also worked on many of the scripts for their movies, and while the defense isn't going to try to blame them, it can be a little hard figuring out who did what when there are multiple people involved.
The defense understands it's popular to trash Orci and Kurtzman's The Amazing Spider-Man 2, but we should cut them a little slack when it comes to the Spidey movie. We know an early draft of the script was a little different compared to what we got on the big screen, and Andrew Garfield later revealed Sony's meddling hurt the film. But when a filmmaker says things like "F*ck off" to fans (as Orci did last year when talking about Star Trek Into Darkness), it puts a huge target on them, and people end up bashing them based on their comments, and not their actual work.
My clients may have stumbled a few times with their movies, but the defense just doesn't think it's enough to send them to Movie Jail.
IN CLOSING…
Do you believe we should we toss the duo in a jail cell, or do you want to check out their solo work first before deciding if they deserve to go to Movie Jail? Does the good outweigh the bad with the screenwriters, or do you think they belong behind bars? Are Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VERDICT!
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICTS
The results are in from last week's batch of Movie Jail Updates. Jim Carrey will remain a free man, but we will be locking him up immediately if Dumb and Dumber To ends up being awful. The jury said Gerard Butler hasn't wowed them with his most recent movies, but they also said they enjoyed his Olympus Has Fallen, so we've released the actor from prison. Stick with action flicks in the future Mr. Butler, because that's what saved your ass. As for director Robert Rodriguez…
It's been decided Mr. Rodriguez is now GUILTY, with the jury saying they've been unimpressed with his movies as of late, and some even said the director should have gone to prison the first time he was up for Movie Jail. The jury said they liked his Machete and Sin City, but didn't care for the recent sequels, and also think he needs to at least try doing something different with his movies instead of giving us more of the same.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Special), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan
UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler