This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Defendant
The Case
The Prosecution: Movie 43, Playing for Keeps, Bel Ami, Ceremony, The Accidental Husband, Motherhood, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Prime, Be Cool, Paycheck, Chelsea Walls, The Golden Bowl, Vatel, The Avengers, Batman & Robin, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Jennifer 8, Where the Heart Is, Johnny Be Good
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, if you want to know why Uma Thurman is up for Movie Jail, look no further than the actress' filmography over the past decade. While her Nymphomaniac received decent reviews, she didn't have a big part in it, and it was her first fresh movie at Rotten Tomatoes since starring in the Kill Bill movies.
The last ten years haven't been pretty for Miss Thurman. She has starred in a disappointing sequel (Be Cool), terrible romantic comedies (Playing for Keeps, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Prime) and also appeared in the infamous Movie 43. Besides receiving negative reviews from most critics, many of her films have also either bombed or underperformed at the box office. Miss Thurman isn't a bad or lazy actress, however she does have a bad habit of starring in awful movies, and that's the most frustrating thing about her post-Kill Bill films. She's a very talented actress, so what is she doing appearing in crap like The Accidental Husband?
Quentin Tarantino helped launch and relaunch Miss Thurman's career with Pulp Fiction and the Kill Bill flicks, but while she at least starred in a few good movies after Pulp Fiction, her filmography after Kill Bill is a mess. Maybe the actress should think about hooking up with the director again, because it's clear her career desperately needs a boost.
The prosecution knows there are some who love the actress, but considering how dreadful Miss Thurman's movies have been over these past ten years, we strongly believe she needs to spend some time in Movie Jail.
The Defense: Nymphomaniac, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, The Life Before Her Eyes, The Producers, Kill Bill 1 & 2, Tape, Sweet and Lowdown, Les Misérables, Gattaca, Beautiful Girls, The Truth About Cats & Dogs, A Month by the Lake, Pulp Fiction, Mad Dog and Glory, Final Analysis, Henry & June, Dangerous Liaisons, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Kiss Daddy Goodnight
Ladies and gentlemen, like the prosecution, the defense hasn't been impressed with most of Miss Thurman's film as of late, however we don't believe the actress belongs in Movie Jail, and we don't think the jury will want to send her there either.
Miss Thurman is a strong actress, and although many of her recent films have been panned by critics, they usually have great things to say about her performances. The Life Before Her Eyes is only sitting at 24% at Rotten Tomatoes, however many thought she did a excellent job in the film. The Producers is another one that didn't receive fantastic reviews form critics, but Miss Thurman was praised for her turn in the Mel Brooks film. Although the defense believes Miss Thurman has appeared in a few too many rom-coms, she has starred in many different types of movies, and it's not as if she's been playing similar characters in all of her films.
But the defense believes the main reason why the jury won't find my client guilty is because of her performances in Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill. She played two very memorable (and borderline iconic) characters with her Mia Wallace and The Bride, and that goes a long way with jury members. But it's not like those are the only good movies Miss Thurman has starred in either, and the actress has also done very solid work on the small screen (Hysterical Blindness, Smash, My Zinc Bed) as well.
Without Pulp Fiction and the Kill Bill movies, the prosecution might have a case against my client, however that's a big might when you consider how great she's been in other projects. Miss Thurman definitely needs to start picking better projects to work on, but the defense doesn't think she should go to Movie Jail.
IN CLOSING…
Do you think the problem is the movies Miss Thurman has starred in, or the actress herself? Does she deserve to go to Movie Jail, or do you think she desperately needs a better agent? Is Uma Thurman GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VERDICT!
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
We ended up with a hung jury for last week's trial, so it's been decided Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman won't be sent to prison…for now. Since it was close, we'll put them up again for Movie Jail (separately this time) after their upcoming films (Orci's Star Trek 3 and Kurtzman's The Mummy and Venom Carnage) have been released, and there better not be even one drop of magic blood in any of their new movies.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Special), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman
UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler