Welcome to Movie Jail, a facility like any other, only its inmates are
Hollywood
writers, directors, actors and producers. This column will serve as a
Movie Jail
trial. We will put one defendant on trial; lay out arguments for the
Prosecution and
Defense. And we leave it up to YOU, the reader, to decide whether the
defendant
is guilty of his or her crime. What crime? The crime of cinematic inconsistency or on the flipside, consistently being
a stinking
shithouse.
The
Defendant
Tyler Perry
The
Case
The Prosecution: Everything?*
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, since Movie Jail’s construction, we couldn’t think of a better candidate to run the joint than Mr. Tyler
Perry. His safe, inoffensive brand of humor personified in his sassy “Madea” character, has made him a millionaire many times over ($400M to be exact). But are these
movies any good? Anyone who has seen one Tyler Perry movie has seen them all. For the Madea series of movies, the formula follows the geriatric around as she sasses
everyone left to right and imparts wisdom in her inimitable fashion all while trying not to mug to the camera. In the non-Madea movies, a successful person realizes
that money and/or fame isn’t as important as tight family bonds. Puke in my mouth if you would, please? I’ll even pay you. We don’t doubt the man’s popularity and success, we just
question its quality and originality. It’s about time for Madea to get thrown in a proper facility like Movie Jail, and we’re hoping the court agrees.
The Defense: The Madea series and what not*
Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, what can we say about our client, other than he’s an extremely successful filmmaker and writer who’s carved a nice
little niche in the film world for himself? If a filmmaker can sell to a market that’s loyal to his product, what’s the crime here? It appears that Mr. Perry knows
his audience and what they like, and caters to their needs. Mr. Perry may have only two certified
fresh ratings on Rotten Tomatoes but 90% of his movies have scored fresh on the same site. If this was any other popular director who lacked critical acceptance, but audiences loved, this case wouldn’t even make it to trial. It seems that Mr. Perry is nothing but a victim of backlash based on his popularity in this
case, and we’re looking to the jury for a dismissal on all charges because of it.
IN
CLOSING…
So, what’s to be done with Tyler Perry? Is it about time the court shuts the Movie Jail door on the cross dressing filmmaker and throws away
the key? Does his fan loyalty warrant a stay of incarceration?
And the
most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into
consideration, we ask
you The Jury, is Tyler Perry GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
Let’s
hear YOUR
arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.
*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so
relax.
WHAT SAY YOU,
GUILTY OR
NOT?
LAST WEEK’S
VERDICT
It is the jury’s decision that after reviewing
last week’s evidence, the court finds Channing Tatum
NOT GUILTY of all charges. The jury feels that despite Mr. Tatum having the acting prowess of a decomposing sloth, the man has simply been on too good of a run
over the past couple of years to convict.
| PREVIOUS VERDICTS | |
| GUILTY | NOT GUILTY |
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Gerard Butler
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Marlon Wayans
Julia Roberts
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Katherine Heigl
Cuba Gooding, Jr. |
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