Welcome to Movie Jail, a facility like any other, only its inmates are Hollywood writers, directors, actors and producers. This column will serve as a Movie Jail trial. We will put one defendant on trial; lay out arguments for the Prosecution and Defense. And we leave it up to YOU, the reader, to decide whether the defendant is guilty of his or her crime. What crime? The crime of cinematic inconsistency or on the flipside, consistently being a stinking shithouse.
The Defendant
Robin Williams
The Case
The Prosecution: The Big Wedding, Old Dogs, RV, License to Wed, Everyone's Hero, Man of the Year, The Final Cut, The Big White, The Night's Listener*
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, while witnessing the pukeyness that is the trailer for The Big Wedding, we were struck at how hit and miss Robin Williams has been for the past few years. It doesn't help that the film also stars two other Movie Jail defendants, Robert De Niro (found innocent) and Katherine Heigl (found guilty), so Mr. Williams has chosen an odd project with mixed company. He hasn't done anything really worthwhile or noteworth since 2009's World's Greatest Dad and before that you have to go to 2006 where Mr. Williams lent his vocal talents to Happy Feet and played Teddy Roosevelt in Night at the Museum, a movie much better than the critics gave it credit for. The 00's (oughts?) haven't been kind to Mr. Williams, or shall we say, Mr. Williams has had some real shit bombs in the last 15 years. And we're talking about monumental bombs like RV, Old Dogs, License to Wed and Man of the Year. It's time we slap some cuffs on Mork from Ork, send him to the slammer for a few years of rehabilitation and movie counseling.
The Defense: World's Greatest Dad, Happy Feet, Robots, Insomnia, One Hour Photo, A.I., The Birdcage, Hamlet, The Fisher King, August Rush, and on and on and on*
Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, it is our opinion that Mr. Williams has done far too good to be incarcerated in the confines of Movie Jail. Look at the classic film roles he's created, not to mention that Mr. Williams went from silly sitcom star to a top of the class dramatic actor. Many have tried to make the crossover, few do, but Mr. Williams has taken on challenging role after challenging role to varying levels of success. Sure, he's had some stinkers in there, but what other "comedic" actor has been nominated four times for the Academy Award and gone home with one? Mr. Williams is not done by a long shot. The prosecution is going to rue the day they brought this case to the illustrious courtroom of Movie Jail, bank on it. Your Honor, throw out this case, kick the prosecution in the balls and let Mr. Williams walk free.
IN CLOSING…
So, what’s to be done with Robin Williams? Are the last 15 years of inconsistency enough for a Movie Jail sentence? Has Mr. Williams simply done too many good movies to even be considered for Movie Jail? And the most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into consideration, we ask you The Jury, is Robin Williams GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
Let’s hear YOUR arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.
*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so relax.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
It is the jury's decision that after reviewing last week's evidence, the court finds Cameron Diaz GUILTY of all charges. The jury deliberated long into the night on this one, and taking her whole career into account, found that the quality of her roles recently (we get it, Princess Fiona is great) has dipped off substantially. She'll be doing ten years of hard labor in Movie Jail, possibly (probably) in a bikini.
| PREVIOUS VERDICTS | |
| GUILTY | NOT GUILTY |
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