Welcome to Movie Jail, a facility like any other, only its inmates are
Hollywood
writers, directors, actors and producers. This column will serve as a
Movie Jail
trial. We will put one defendant on trial; lay out arguments for the
Prosecution and
Defense. And we leave it up to YOU, the reader, to decide whether the
defendant
is guilty of his or her crime. What crime? The crime of consistently being
a stinking
shithouse.
The
Defendant
M. Night
Shyamalan
The
Case
The Prosecution: The Last Airbender, Lady in the
Water, The Village, The Happening*
Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, there are many
institutions that are made for certain people. Schools, students. Fast food
restaurants, failed students. But if there’s one person that the institution
of Movie Jail was created for, it just might be M. Night Shyamalan.
We’re hard pressed to find a more requested defendant than Mr. Shyamalan and
with After Earth set to release this summer, we feel it’s finally time
to put the writer/director/producer/plot twister on trial. How many chances
is Hollywood going to give this guy? He hasn’t had a fresh rating since
2002’s Signs and even some people are iffy on that. He made his plot
twist, “aha” moment a trademark and created some pretty ridiculous stories
around it. His last movie The Last Airbender, while looking sometimes
pretty was an absolute disaster and his producing credit on 2010’s
Devil had people booing at the 2010 San Diego
Comic Con. Isn’t it time we lock this guy up and throw away the
key? Or do we need to see how Father and Son Smith handle things in After
Earth?
The Defense: The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Devil
(producer), Signs, Stuart Little (writer)*
Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, we know we’re facing an
uphill battle and that you may already have your decision made (most likely),
but let us attempt to sway you into a dismissal. It’s true that Mr.
Shyamalan hasn’t had a bonafied hit in some time…..okay, 11 years, but
let’s disregard his first two lesser known movies and start with 1999’s
The Sixth Sense. Including this and the soon to be released After
Earth, he’s directed a total of 8 movies. Now, almost half of those
movies are actually pretty good, so shouldn’t we give this guy more time to
work and get his product out there? We think that despite his most recent
flops, his first three major motion pictures are solid enough to grant him a
stay of execution. Err, we mean, we’re looking for a dismissal. Oh, and can we agree that The Happening is one of the best bad movies ever? If that was his intention, he totally succeeded. And that counts for something.
IN
CLOSING…
So, what’s to be done with M. Night Shyamalan? Is his guilt
a long time coming? Should we give him more time to turn things around?
And the
most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into
consideration, we ask
you The Jury, is M. Night Shyamalan GUILTY or NOT GUILTY? Let’s
hear YOUR
arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.
*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so
relax.
WHAT SAY YOU,
GUILTY OR
NOT?
LAST WEEK’S
VERDICT
It is the jury’s decision that after reviewing
last week’s evidence, the court finds Hilary Swank
NOT GUILTY of all charges. We’re two for three when it comes to
Academy Award winning actresses walking the Not Guilty path of righteousness,
but are there any other Academy Award winning actresses who should be thrown
on the chopping block?
| PREVIOUS VERDICTS | |
| GUILTY | NOT GUILTY |
| Adam Sandler
Eddie Murphy
Vince Vaughn
Tim Burton
The Farrelly Brothers
Michael Bay
Jessica Alba
Ice Cube
Gerard Butler
Halle Berry
Marlon Wayans
Julia Roberts |
Robert De Niro
Val Kilmer
Nic Cage
John Travolta
Oliver Stone
Ben Stiller
Jim Carrey
Wes Craven
Matthew McConaughey
Robert Rodriguez
Kristen Stewart
Roland Emmerich
Kevin Costner
Sandra Bullock
Hilary Swank |