This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity* and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Defendant
The Case
The Prosecution: Ride, Playing It Cool, Straight A's, Meeting Evil, Tenure, Henry Poole is Here, Blonde Ambition, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Hoot, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, Alex & Emma, Soul Survivors, Committed, Blue Streak, The Third Wheel, Bad Seed, Home Fries, Best Men
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Luke Wilson has had the least amount of success out of all of the "Frat Pack" actors, however he has no one to blame but himself, thanks to his questionable career choices. Although Mr. Wilson can be quite good with the right material, he doesn't have a fantastic eye when it comes to picking his movie projects. The actor appeared in several really bad films early in his career, but this trial is more about his post-The Royal Tenenbaums work.
One could argue it was the Wes Anderson flick that really put Mr. Wilson on the map, and he's appeared in more than a few poorly reviewed movies since then. Alex & Emma, Blonde Ambition and Playing it Cool all have Rotten Tomatoes scores below 20%, and Hoot, My Super Ex-Girlfriend and Henry Poole is Here also didn't fare that well with critics. And the actor may not have been the reason why films weren't great, but did he make them better? The prosecution doesn't think so.
Mr. Wilson has more misses than hits on his filmography, and since he's also not a strong actor, we believe he should spend at least a few months in Movie Jail.
The Defense: Meadowland, The Skeleton Twins, Death at a Funeral, Middle Men, Vacancy, You Kill Me, Idiocracy, Mini's First Time, The Wendell Baker Story, The Family Stone, Old School, The Royal Tenenbaums, Legally Blonde, My Dog Skip, Charlie's Angels, Bottle Rocket
Ladies and gentlemen, the defense will admit that Mr. Wilson has some ugly ass movies on his resume, but we don't believe he's earned a spot in Movie Jail. My client may not disappear into roles, however he is still an above average actor, and it's not as if he's only appeared in critical and financial failures in the years since The Royal Tenenbaums.
Although The Skeleton Twins, You Kill Me and Idiocracy didn't light up the box office, they scored mostly high marks from critics, and my client was also praised for his performances in them. And even though critics didn't love Death at a Funeral, Middle Men and Vacancy, each of those films has its fans. Mr. Wilson pulled triple duty writing, co-directing and starring as the titular character in The Wendell Baker Story, which only received mixed reviews, but the defense would love to see him behind the camera again. Besides his big screen credits, my client also starred on the critically acclaimed HBO series Enlightened.
It's not like Mr. Wilson's filmography is as awful as fellow Frat Packer Vince Vaughn's, so the defense isn't quite sure why the prosecution has decided to go after the actor. Owen Wilson was found not guilty when he was on trial a couple of years ago, and we have a feeling the same thing is going to happen with the younger Wilson.
IN CLOSING…
Should we lock Mr. Wilson up for his very hit-or-miss filmography, or let him walk? Does he belong in Movie Jail with Vince Vaughn, or does he just need to get a better agent? Is Luke Wilson GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyway, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
Aaron Eckhart was found NOT GUILTY of all charges in last week's trial, with most of the jury saying he doesn't deserve jail time. Jury members said although they do wish he would stop starring in shitty movies (cough I, Frankenstein cough), he is still a damn fine actor who has done more good than bad.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd, Uma Thurman, Josh Duhamel, Saw Franchise (Halloween Edition), Zach Braff, Sam Worthington, Melissa McCarthy, The Wachowski Siblings, Kate Bosworth, Garry Marshall, David Goyer, Akiva Goldsman, Avi Arad, Damon Lindelof, Hayden Christensen, Dennis Dugan, Sharon Stone, Jessica Biel, Nick Swardson, Simon Kinberg, Alex & Stephen Kendrick, Eli Roth, Paranormal Activity Franchise (Halloween Edition)
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Edition), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, Ivan Reitman, Stephen Sommers, Shawn Levy, Jai Courtney, Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Luc Besson, Jason Reitman, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Connelly, Sienna Miller, Ben Barnes, Simon West, Len Wiseman, Brendan Fraser, Megan Fox, Neal McDonough, Cameron Crowe, Katie Holmes, Elijah Wood, Tarsem Singh, Reese Witherspoon, Burt Reynolds, Ed Helms, Sean Astin, Michael Polish, Kelsey Grammer, Queen Latifah, Mark Wahlberg, Vin Diesel, Barry Levinson, Aaron Eckhart
UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler, Jessica Alba, Julia Roberts and The Farrelly Brothers, Ben Stiller, Tim Burton and Shia LaBeouf, Johnny Depp, Kevin Smith & Chris Rock, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson & Vince Vaughn