This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Defendant
The Case
The Prosecution: Grown Ups 2, Zookeeper, The Dilemma, Grown Ups, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Barnyard
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Kevin James has made a career out of playing the exact same character in most of his projects, and almost all of his movies have been critically panned. If there's one actor who definitely should be tossed into Movie Jail, it's Mr. James.
Mr. James has one very ugly filmography, and it's easy to see why things have gone so wrong for the actor: he never should have hooked up with Adam Sandler and his Happy Madison Productions. The Grown Ups flicks are lazy, terrible films, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is more offensive than funny, and Paul Blart: Mall Cop…well, the prosecution is currently seeking therapy because of how much he hates that movie. Mr. James also helped write Paul Blart and Zookeeper, so it's not as if you can really put the blame on someone else for those films.
The prosecution will argue Mr. James' movies have done well at the box office, and there are many people who are fans of the actor. But that's like saying a crappy musician should get a free pass just because he's sold millions of albums. It also seems like Mr. James chases paychecks instead of quality projects, which is a big no-no in the prosecution's book.
Mr. James is a likable actor, but there's not really much to like about his films, or his performances in them. Sending Mr. James to Movie Jail is the right thing to do, and the prosecution believes the jury will feel the same way.
The Defense: Hotel Transylvania, Here Comes the Boom, Monster House, Hitch
Ladies and gentlemen, yes, most critics hate Mr. James' films (only two of his movies are considered "fresh" at Rotten Tomatoes), but the audience ratings for his movies tell a different story: 69% for I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, 63% for Grown Ups. It's not like Mr. James is trying to create art with his films. They are meant for people who just like movies, not film nerds who go to sites like JoBlo.com. Maybe he's not "cool" or "edgy," but that's not a reason to throw him into Movie Jail.
My point is many do enjoy Mr. James' films, and for the record, he's usually pretty damn good in them as well. He's a solid actor and comedian, and most of the time the problems have been the movie itself, and not my client. The jury may dislike Paul Blart and Zookeeper, but is Mr. James really the reason why those films are so awful? The defense doesn't think so. My client isn't a horrible actor, and the defense thinks he would do a great job in a dramedy, or at least something a little less slapsticky.
The defense also thought Mr. James was great in Hitch and Here Comes the Boom, a movie much better than you'd expect. Are they cinematic masterpieces? No, but they are still very solid comedies. In addition, the defense feels Mr. James has done decent work in animated films (Monster House, Hotel Transylvania), and would love to see him do more voice work.
The defense understand why Mr. James is being considered for Movie Jail, however I also doesn't think he deserves to be sent to prison.
IN CLOSING…
Should we lock Mr. James up with his Grown Ups buddies Adam Sandler and David Spade, or do you think sending him to Movie Jail is too harsh of a sentence? Do you think he deserves a slap on the wrist and a second chance, or a cot in a prison cell? Is Kevin James GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VERDICT!
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
It was a close vote in last week's trial, but Spike Lee has been found GUILTY of all charges. Although it seems many jury members decided Mr. Lee's fate based on their own personal opinion on the director, his recent movies certainly didn't help him either. Maybe Mr. Lee will film a documentary about his experience in Movie Jail.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Special), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin