This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Defendant
The Case
The Prosecution: Trespass, Twelve, Blood Creek, The Number 23, The Phantom of the Opera, Bad Company, Flawless, Batman & Robin, Batman Forever, Dying Young, The Incredible Shrinking Woman
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, director Joel Schumacher almost killed the Batman movie franchise with his Batman Forever and Batman & Robin, but you'd be wrong to think it's the only reason why he's being considered for Movie Jail. While a few of his post-Nipple Man and Codpiece Boy movies have been decent, many of them have been panned by critics, and most of the blame falls on Mr. Schumacher.
What's really unfortunate about Mr. Schumacher's career is how he did rebound after his Batman flicks with smaller films like 8mm and Tigerland, only to kill whatever momentum he had going for himself with the absolutely terrible The Number 23. It's a huge mess, and the prosecution feels it's safe to say the Jim Carrey movie is what really sent the director's career into the shitter.
Since the release of The Number 23 in 2007, Mr. Schumacher has only directed three films (Trespass, Twelve and Blood Creek), and all three have mostly received negative reviews from critics. They've also only had limited theatrical release, proof studios just don't have faith in the director's films anymore.
Mr. Schumacher has also benefited from working with many very talented actors and actresses during his career. The defense may like Veronica Guerin, but is it because it's actually a solid movie, or due to Cate Blanchett's fantastic portrayal of the Irish journalist? Both Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Robert De Niro are excellent in Flawless, but the actors are also what save the movie from its weak script, which by the way, was written by Mr. Schumacher.
Batman Forever and Batman & Robin alone might have been enough to toss Mr. Schumacher into Movie Jail, and since his recent films have also been terrible, the prosecution believes sending the director's ass to prison is a no brainer.
The Defense: Veronica Guerin, Phone Booth, Tigerland, 8mm, A Time to Kill, The Client, Falling Down, Flatliners, Cousins, The Lost Boys, St. Elmo's Fire, D.C. Cab
Ladies and gentlemen, there's no denying my client has helmed a few stinkers during his career, however the defense doesn't think he belongs in Movie Jail, and although the prosecution isn't very high on Mr. Schumacher, the defense believes he is still a solid director.
Mr. Schumacher's Batman & Robin is by no means a good movie, but the defense actually doesn't mind Batman Forever for what it is (a more family friendly Batman flick, or at least more so than Batman Returns), and he has directed plenty of other great films that don't feature The Dark Knight. In particular, his 80s and most of his 90s movies are fantastic. The defense doesn't think the jury is going to be too happy seeing the guy who directed The Lost Boys, Falling Down, and St. Elmo's Fire up for Movie Jail. The defense also feels 8mm is incredibly underrated, even though most critics didn't care for the thriller, and considers Tigerland to be one of the best Vietnam War themed movies ever created.
However the prosecution's main beef with my client is his most recent films, which to be honest, haven't been fantastic. But Mr. Schumacher did a great job helming a couple of episodes of Netflix's House of Cards, so it's not as if he has lost his skills as a director. And even though Mr. Schumacher's films as of late haven't been too hot, the defense believes all it would take is one solid project to remind people just how talented he can be behind the camera.
The defense is hoping the jury will be able to look past my client's Batman movies and recent failures, and realize that Mr. Schumacher is a great director with a very hit-or-miss filmography. And when you also consider just how great some of Mr. Schumacher's films have been, it's obvious the director definitely shouldn't be sent to Movie Jail.
IN CLOSING…
Should we lock Mr. Schumacher up and throw away the key, or do you think he's still capable of directing a good movie? Did he blow his chance at returning to his pre-Batman & Robin glory days with The Number 23 and his recent weak offerings, or are you still interested in seeing movies from the director? Is Joel Schumacher GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VERDICT!
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
Kevin James has been found GUILTY of all charges in last week's trial, which is a shame because he actually seems like a nice guy. But that's what happens when you associate yourself with Adam Sandler and his Happy Madison Productions. Besides a long sentence, Mr. James will also remain in prison until he agrees to no longer work with Sandler or his production company, and must publicly apologize for Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Special), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin