This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity* and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Defendant
The Case
The Prosecution: Winter's Tale, Stuck in Love, Virginia, Salvation Boulevard, The Dilemma, He's Just Not That Into You, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Reservation Road, Dark Water, Inventing the Abbotts
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Jennifer Connelly is a very talented, Oscar-winning actress who has given us several amazing performances since her breakout role in Labyrinth. Unfortunately, she's appeared in quite a few negatively reviewed films in recent years, with last year's Noah being her first fresh film since 2006's Little Children.
The prosecution certainly isn't trying claim that Miss Connelly is a bad actress or that she's been phoning it in these past few years. Even in her worst-reviewed movie (Virginia, which is at 4% at Rotten Tomatoes) Miss Connelly received high praise for her performance. However, in the prosecution's opinion she's been slumming a bit by appearing in projects below her talents.
While Miss Connelly doesn't always need to star in depressing dramas or Oscar bait films (although that hasn't worked out that well for her recently either), she does need to stay away from movies like Winter's Tale, The Day the Earth Stood Still and The Dilemma. Again, it's not like Miss Connelly was awful in these films, but as a whole, her latest movies have left a lot to be desired. Obviously the prosecution isn't trying to blame Miss Connelly for weak scripts and bad directing, but she is guilty of picking subpar projects to work on in recent years, and she needs to spend a few weeks in Movie Jail for her crimes.
The Defense: Noah, Creation, 9, Little Children, Blood Diamond, House of Sand and Fog, Hulk, A Beautiful Mind, Pollock, A Beautiful Mind, Requiem for a Dream, Dark City, Mulholland Falls, The Rocketeer, Labyrinth
Ladies and gentlemen, my client is an extremely gifted and accomplished actress, and while one could argue that Miss Connelly's recent films have been hit-or-miss, the defense believes tossing her in prison is completely unnecessary.
As the prosecution points out, you almost never get a weak performance from Miss Connelly, and the actress has built up a ton of goodwill with fantastic turns in films like Dark City, Requiem for a Dream and House of Sand and Fog. Miss Connelly has also dabbled in everything from comedies and dramas to horror and sci-fi. They haven't all been winners (Dark Water, Reservation Road), but you have to give the actress credit for not sticking to just one or two genres.
The defense thinks it's very unlikely that the jury will want to put Miss Connelly behind bars, even with her mostly poorly received recent movies. Perhaps she needs to have a conversation with her agent, but Miss Connelly definitely doesn't belong in Movie Jail next to actresses like Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez.
IN CLOSING…
What should we do with Miss Connelly? Have you been unimpressed with her recent films and believe the actress needs to visit the big house? Or do you think it's ludicrous that she's even being considered for Movie Jail? Is Jennifer Connelly GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyway, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
Mila Kunis won't be sharing a cell with her actor fiance Ashton Kutcher; the Jupiter Ascending star was found NOT GUILTY of all charges in last week's trial. Most of the jury said although Miss Kunis isn't the strongest actress, she isn't a terrible one either, and she doesn't deserve to go to Movie Jail. Being smoking hot helped Miss Kunis out a lot as well, but many jury members also said she seems to be a genuinely nice person.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd, Uma Thurman, Josh Duhamel, Saw Franchise (Halloween Edition), Zach Braff, Sam Worthington, Melissa McCarthy, The Wachowski Siblings
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Edition), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, Ivan Reitman, Stephen Sommers, Shawn Levy, Jai Courtney, Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Luc Besson, Jason Reitman, Mila Kunis
UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler, Jessica Alba, Julia Roberts and The Farrelly Brothers, Ben Stiller, Tim Burton and Shia LaBeouf, Johnny Depp, Kevin Smith & Chris Rock