Welcome to Movie Jail, a facility like any other, only its inmates are
Hollywood
writers, directors, actors and producers. This column will serve as a
Movie Jail
trial. We will put one defendant on trial; lay out arguments for the
Prosecution and
Defense. And we leave it up to YOU, the reader, to decide whether the
defendant
is guilty of his or her crime. What crime? The crime of cinematic
inconsistency or on the flipside, consistently being
a stinking
shithouse.
The
Defendant
Jennifer Aniston
The
Case
The Prosecution: Bounty Hunters, Love Happens,
Rumor Has it, Love Happens, He’s Just Not That Into You, The Object of My
Affection, Marley & Me, Along Came Polly, fuck it any rom com from the
90s*
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, while looking over
prospective Movie Jail contenders, the main man, JoBlo himself,
suggested that the prosecuting attorneys look at the case of Ms. Jennifer
Aniston. While we initially didn’t think one way or another about Ms.
Aniston, after reviewing the cavalcade of shit she’s recently been in, we
think a stint in the slammer is in order. We all loved Ms. Aniston’s “oh
gosh”, sometimes goofy, girl next door demeanor growing up. She had some
interesting choices earlier in her career, but over the last few years, it
seems she’s relegated herself to safe rom com fare. We understand that
someone has to do it, but some of the flicks she’s been in are just plain bad
with predictable characters and horrible scripts. We think some time in
Movie Jail could set her on the straight and narrow, and give us more
Horrible Bosses style performances.
The Defense: She’s the One, Rock Star, Office
Space, Leprechaun, Derailed, The Break Up, Bruce Almighty, Horrible Bosses
*
Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, what does the prosecution
have against beautiful women filling rom com roles in Hollywood? Ms. Aniston
is a staple of 90s entertainment and though she may have slipped into a
safety net of romantic comedy films, we think she’s pretty damn good at
filling that role. We also think her turn as the sexy as all hell doctor in
Horrible Bosses is enough to give her amnesty for another few years.
How about we acquit Ms. Aniston of all charges and give her a chance at
making another Horrible Bosses or something equally groovy? Also, for
what it is, Marley & Me ain’t so bad. -*Editor’s Note: The fuck?
IN
CLOSING…
So, what’s to be done with Jennifer Aniston? Is her
incarceration long overdue? Can she bounce back and deliver quality
performances again?
And the
most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into
consideration, we ask
you The Jury, is Jennifer Aniston GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
Let’s
hear YOUR
arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.
*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so
relax.
WHAT SAY YOU,
GUILTY OR
NOT?
LAST WEEK’S
VERDICT
It is the jury’s decision that after reviewing
last week’s evidence, the court finds Tyler Perry
GUILTY of all charges. Sure, you may have a niche audience Mr. Perry,
but you’ve completely lost the rest of us.
| PREVIOUS VERDICTS | |
| GUILTY | NOT GUILTY |
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Eddie Murphy
Vince Vaughn
Tim Burton
The Farrelly Brothers
Michael Bay
Jessica Alba
Ice Cube
Gerard Butler
Halle Berry
Marlon Wayans
Julia Roberts
M. Night Shyamalan
Katherine Heigl
Cuba Gooding, Jr.
Tyler Perry |
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Val Kilmer
Nic Cage
John Travolta
Oliver Stone
Ben Stiller
Jim Carrey
Wes Craven
Matthew McConaughey
Robert Rodriguez
Kristen Stewart
Roland Emmerich
Kevin Costner
Sandra Bullock
Hilary Swank
Al Pacino
Keanu Reeves
Kevin Smith
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