This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity* and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Defendant
The Case
The Prosecution: Set Fire to the Stars, Open Windows, Revenge for Jolly!, The Romantics, The Oxford Murders, Day Zero
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, after catching the back and forth between jury members about possibly putting Elijah Wood up for Movie Jail, the prosecution has decided to bring charges against the actor. The prosecution doesn't have an issue with Mr. Wood's movies as a child actor or his acting abilities, however we do have a problem with how he's been slumming as of late in projects that are below his talents.
Early in Mr. Wood's post-The Lord of the Rings career, he was starring in well-received films (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Everything Is Illuminated) but most of his work since then has been in direct-to-DVD/VOD/limited release flicks, and many of them have been panned by critics. It's not like the actor got a huge paycheck for The Romantics, The Oxford Murders or Revenge for Jolly! so why is he even bothering with those movies, since they also aren't doing anything to further his career? For funsies?
The actor should and could be doing better films, and while the prosecution isn't sure why recently he hasn't, we don't want to see him end up stuck in B-movie hell with Nicolas Cage. The prosecution is recommending that Mr. Wood be sentenced to a term of no less than three months, and we believe the jury will agree that he needs a slap on the wrist for his poor film role choices.
The Defense: Grand Piano, Pawn Shop Chronicles, Maniac, Celeste and Jesse Forever, Green Street Hooligans, Everything Is Illuminated, Sin City, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The War, The Good Son
Ladies and gentlemen, there is a lot of things wrong with the prosecution's argument against my client, but they are right about one thing: Mr. Wood, more than likely, did do those movies for fun. He isn't one to chase money or awards, and we don't think high-profile acting gigs are that important to him.
Mr. Wood just seems to enjoy doing unique films. They haven't all been winners (Open Windows), but that's the risk you take when you don't want to be typecast or only star in generic run-of-the-mill movies. But again, the prosecution gets the feeling that acting just isn't a big deal to my client, which isn't a knock on the actor either. He DJs, does a bunch of charity work, and through his SpectreVision banner, has produced several interesting films, including last year's Sundance hit A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night. In addition, he's done a ton of great voice work, and the defense loved him in FX's Wilfred.
Even as a kid, my client was a good actor (The War, The Good Son), and he is doing a hell of a lot better than most former child stars, both professionally and personally. We should just let Mr. Wood keep on keeping on, and the defense doubts the jury will want to send Frodo to the big house.
IN CLOSING…
Does the prosecution have a case, or do you think it's ludicrous Mr. Wood is even being considered for Movie Jail? Is his career doing just fine, or are you worried about the actor? Is Elijah Wood GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyway, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
Filmmaker Dennis Dugan was found GUILTY of all charges in last week's trial, with many jury members wanting a death sentence for Adam Sandler's best-director-friend-forever. Jack and Jill and Just Go with It were awful, but doesn't that seem a little harsh? Mr. Dugan won't be receiving a lethal injection, however he is going to be locked up for a very long time for his terrible directorial efforts.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd, Uma Thurman, Josh Duhamel, Saw Franchise (Halloween Edition), Zach Braff, Sam Worthington, Melissa McCarthy, The Wachowski Siblings, Kate Bosworth, Garry Marshall, David Goyer, Akiva Goldsman, Avi Arad, Damon Lindelof, Hayden Christensen, Dennis Dugan
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Edition), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, Ivan Reitman, Stephen Sommers, Shawn Levy, Jai Courtney, Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Luc Besson, Jason Reitman, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Connelly, Sienna Miller, Ben Barnes, Simon West, Len Wiseman, Brendan Fraser, Megan Fox, Neal McDonough, Cameron Crowe, Katie Holmes
UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler, Jessica Alba, Julia Roberts and The Farrelly Brothers, Ben Stiller, Tim Burton and Shia LaBeouf, Johnny Depp, Kevin Smith & Chris Rock