This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Defendant
The Case
The Prosecution: Trial and Error, The Astronauts Wife, Reindeer Games, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Sweet November, Aeon Flux, 15 Minutes, Waking Up in Reno, The Burning Plain, Young Adult, Snow White and the Huntsman*
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it is our opinion that Charlize Theron has avoided Movie Jail thus far because of her stunning looks. Well the prosecution will not be swayed by her gorgeous locks, her bronzed skin, her..um, like I said, her physical traits will not be a factor in this case. Miss Theron garnered the most attention for her film Monster, but the prosecution believes that it was only because one of the fads for actresses at the time was getting fugly in order to get nominated for Oscars. Think Salma Hayek in Frida, Nicole Kidman in The Hours and Hillary Swank in Boy's Don't Cry.
Miss Theron's recent films, Young Adult, Snow White and the Huntsman, and Prometheus were all (for one reason or another) deemed disappointments and at least some of that blame has to fall on the actress. Her last "big" part before those three films was Hancock and that was way back in 2008. The prosecution believes that Miss Theron hasn't produced enough quality of films during this period of time to avoid Movie Jail and recommends a sentence that does not exceed six months.
The Defense: 2 Days in the Valley, The Devil's Advocate, Mighty Joe Young, Celebrity, The Cider House Rules, Men of Honor, The Italian Job, Monster, Hancock, The Road, Prometheus, Snow White and the Huntsman *
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the defense feels the prosecution is being very harsh on Miss Theron. While other actresses spend way too much time and effort appearing in shitty romantic comedies, Miss Theron has been in a wide variety of films. Sure she was in Sweet November back in 2001 but that's ONE film compared to the dozens of craptastic similar films that actresses like Jennifer Lopez, Kate Hudson and Sarah Jessica Parker have built careers on.
The prosecution may crap on her last three films but it could be argued that she was possibly the best parts of all three films and proof that Miss Theron is an incredibly talented actress. The defense wants all charges against Miss Theron dropped immediately and the prosecution forced to watch season three of Arrested Development because clearly he forgot how fantastic she was as Rita.
IN CLOSING…
So what is your opinion on Charlize Theron? Has she skated by on her looks for too long or do you appreciate the fact that she doesn't just appear in romantic comedies? Does she deserve to go to Movie Jail? The decision is up to you: GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
Share your verdict and opinions by STRIKING BACK BELOW.
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
After reviewing the evidence from last week, you the jury have found Robin Williams NOT GUILTY of all charges. While it was acknowledged that Mr. Williams has been in some poor films throughout his career, the good ones far outweigh the bad and the actor is never guilty of mailing it in. The vote was overwhelmingly in favor of keeping Mr. Williams out of prison and many of you cited the great work he's done in Good Will Hunting, Death To Smoochy, The Fisher King and Dead Poets Society. It was also found that the jury has a borderline disturbing infatuation for Mork & Mindy. One of Robin Williams' new films, The Angriest Man in Brooklyn with Peter Dinklage and Mila Kunis, sounds like a better use of his talents and we hope that Mr. Williams' brush with Movie Jail keeps him on the straight and narrow and away from things like Old Dogs and The Big Wedding.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr. , Tyler Perry , Cameron Diaz
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams