This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity* and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Defendant
The Case
The Prosecution: Deal, Cloud 9, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Broken Bridges, Grilled, Forget About It, End Game, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Longest Yard (2005), Without a Paddle, Time of the Wolf, The Hollywood Sign, Tempted, Driven, The Crew, Striptease, Cop and a Half, Rent-a-Cop, City Heat, Stroker Ace, Cannonball Run II, Smokey and the Bandit II, Gator
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, while Burt Reynolds is most definitely a badass, the prosecution has decided to bring charges up against the actor, primarily because of his post-Boogie Nights run of movies. Mr. Reynolds could have used all the acclaim he got for his performance to land roles in higher quality movies, but instead has starred in multiple critically panned films, including several limited release and direct-to-DVD movies. How did he go from winning a Best Supporting Actor Golden Globe to doing movies like In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale,The Dukes of Hazzard, and Without a Paddle?
Mr. Reynold's reputation of being a pain in the ass to work with (there was plenty of BTS drama while making the Paul Thomas Anderson film) certainly hasn't helped his career, and his financial difficulties partially explain why he's been taking parts in projects that are below his talents. However, the prosecution still feels he should have been able to land roles in better movies following his well-received turn in the film. The actor has a ton of just awful films on his filmography (the prosecution is looking at you, Broken Bridges), and he has also appeared in sequels (Gator, Smokey and the Bandit II, Cannonball Run II) that didn't come anywhere close to being as good as the originals.
Although the prosecution doesn't think Mr. Reynolds needs to serve the rest of his life behind bars (especially since he is up there in age), we do believe that he more than deserves some time in the big house for committing felony acts against cinema.
The Defense: The Hunter's Moon, Mystery, Alaska, Pups, Boogie Nights, Switching Channels, Breaking In, Stick, Best Friends, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Sharky's Machine, The Cannonball Run, Starting Over, Hooper, Semi-Tough, Smokey and the Bandit, The Longest Yard (1974), White Lightning, Deliverance
Ladies and gentlemen, the prosecution is going to be forced to eat all the spider webs if Archer ever catches wind of their case against my client. Mr. Reynolds' movies as of late and his performances in them haven't exactly been great, but the defense highly doubts that the jury will want to throw "The Bandit" in prison. The actor is in the twilight of his career, and like many other older actors, has taken more than a few paycheck movies. Some of those performers have been put up for Movie Jail in the past, but were found not guilty, and we have a feeling that the same thing is going to happen with Mr. Reynolds.
Does it suck that Mr. Reynolds has been appearing in bottom-of-the-barrel films for quite some time now? Of course, but we can't ignore all the great work he has done, which is what he will be remembered for. My client is a very gifted actor, and the defense is certain that the jury is willing to forgive him for his decade-plus poor output. Mr. Reynolds has never been considered to be on the same level as an Al Pacino or Robert De Niro, however he's still a tremendous actor who, unfortunately, hasn't always starred in movies that best use his talents. And although he might have an ego problem and isn't known for being the easiest actor to work with, that shouldn't take away from all the positives he's done for the film world.
Tossing my client in the slammer would be the real crime here, but since most jury members will likely forgive him for his cinematic transgressions, the defense is positive that Mr. Reynolds won't be seeing the inside of a jail cell.
IN CLOSING…
Do you think Mr. Reynolds belongs in prison, or are you outraged he's being considered for Movie Jail? Do you agree with the defense's arguments, or should we send the actor to the big house? Is Burt Reynolds GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyway, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
Reese Witherspoon was found NOT GUILTY of all charges in last week's trial, thanks to her recent strong performance in last year's Wild. Some jury members did want to lock Ms. Witherspoon up, but most said her good turns outweigh her bad ones, and her work in Wild showed that when given the right material, she can be a fantastic actress.
PREVIOUS VERDICTS
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd, Uma Thurman, Josh Duhamel, Saw Franchise (Halloween Edition), Zach Braff, Sam Worthington, Melissa McCarthy, The Wachowski Siblings, Kate Bosworth, Garry Marshall, David Goyer, Akiva Goldsman, Avi Arad, Damon Lindelof, Hayden Christensen, Dennis Dugan, Sharon Stone
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Edition), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, Ivan Reitman, Stephen Sommers, Shawn Levy, Jai Courtney, Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Luc Besson, Jason Reitman, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Connelly, Sienna Miller, Ben Barnes, Simon West, Len Wiseman, Brendan Fraser, Megan Fox, Neal McDonough, Cameron Crowe, Katie Holmes, Elijah Wood, Tarsem Singh, Reese Witherspoon
UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler, Jessica Alba, Julia Roberts and The Farrelly Brothers, Ben Stiller, Tim Burton and Shia LaBeouf, Johnny Depp, Kevin Smith & Chris Rock