F*ck living easy, summer time…when the dying is hard!
That’s right y’all, as May dwindles away, we’ve officially come to the brink of summer moviegoing 2019. As per usual, we’ve carved together our annual litany of the most anticipated genre joints of the season, which I’m happy to say, features quite a bit of originality this go around. While there’s the usual remake and sequel or two, the top half of the list is chock full of promising horror flicks from some of the most accomplished filmmakers in the game. Before we get this shite underway, honorable mention shout-outs are in line for almost what made the cut: the unreliable BRAHMS: THE BOY II, the cliché summertime shark flick 47 METERS DOWN: UNCAGED, and the troubled production of NEW MUTANTS. Now the real show begins. Peep our Top 10 Must-See Horror Movies of 2019!
#10. NIGHTMARE CINEMA (JUNE 21ST) – What better way to jumpstart this f*cking bash than with a celebratory horror anthology from some of the biggest names in the genre? Let’s go! The five-part omnibus includes tales DEAD by Mick Garris, a hospital horror wraparound; THE WAY TO EGRESS by David Slade, about a terrifying parallel universe; MASHIT by Ryu Kitamura, about a demonic boarding school; THE THING IN THE WOODS Woods by Alejandro Brugues, a monster-slasher-mash; and MIRARE by Joe Dante, a body horror exploration of plastic surgery. Even with the mixed results anthologies inevitably yield, we wholeheartedly look forward to seeing what Dante, Kitamura and Garris still have hidden up their collective sleeves.
#9. CRAWL (JULY 12TH) – With Sam Raimi producing Alexander Aja’s first horror film since HORNS in 2013, we couldn’t be more excited to see what the hell the two gents have in store with CRAWL this June. The high-concept premise follows a young lady named Haley (Kaya Scodelario) doggedly attempting to rescue her father from a ravaging category 5 hurricane. As if the natural disaster wasn’t enough to contend with, Haley finds herself trapped inside a flooded home that happens to be infested with, wait for it…a voracious congregation of alligators. Yeah, f*ck all that! It feels like forever ago when Aja struck indie-horror gold with HIGH TENSION, so let’s hope he gets back on track with his new tale of aquatic terror after wading similar waters in PIRANHA 3D.
#8. CHILD’S PLAY (JUNE 21ST) – To be real with y’all, we’re all a bit on the fence with this one, aren’t we? I mean, nothing screams of sacrilege than making a CHILD’S PLAY movie WITHOUT proprietary creator, Don Mancini. That said, the refashioned Buddy Doll in the markedly more austere and menacing newfangled CHILD’S PLAY film that harkens back to the first two 80s franchise entries, long before Chucky became a walking-talking self-parody. I admire the new direction if disagree with barring Mancini from the creative process, and end with the feeling that if the same producers that worked wonders with the IT adaptation can do similar here, we could be in a for a good treat come this summer equinox. Oh, and who doesn’t enjoy seeing Aubrey Plaza like this?!
#7. ANNABELLE COME HOME (JUNE 28TH) – Hey, here’s a though. F*ck Jen Tilly as BRIDE OF CHUCKY, let’s set the Chuckster up with this creepy bitch ANNABELLE instead! No? How about a CHUCKY VS. ANNABELLE spinoff franchise? Y’all heard it here first, and I will be calling on you to testify on my behalf if the shite comes true. Anyway, we almost left off ANNABELLE COMES HOME ENTIRELY in favor of 47 METERS DOWN: CAGED. First, a summertime shark movie just feels right. Secondly, Johannes Roberts is a patently better director than Gary Dauberman, who has not directed a stitch of film until now with ANNABELLE 3. And yet, given how sneaky killer ANNABELLE: CREATION (which Dauberman wrote, along with IT) and considering how Ed and Warren Lorraine have big roles in the film, we’re all in!
#6. SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK (AUGUST 9TH) – Coming off his Best Picture Oscar win for the magnificent THE SHAPE OF WATER, Billy the Bull has entrusted his newest danse macabre to his Norwegian TROLLHUNTER pal Andre Ovredal via SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK. Based on Alvin Schwartz’s trilogy of children’s horror novels published between 1981 and 1991, del Toro co-wrote the screenplay with a bunch of buddies including the brothers Hageman (Trollhunters TV series) and those Dunstan/Melton wackos of SAW and FEAST fame. We love when del Toro toys with childhood fears (PAN’S LABYRINTH) and does period-piece horror (SHAPE, CRIMSON PEAK), so to combine the two in a haunted house tale set in 1968 is a surefire must-see!
#5. IT CHAPTER 2 (SEPTEMBER 6TH) – If we all agree much of the success of IT was due to the charming chemistry between the young cast memebers, then it’ll be interesting to see how their adult counterparts – including the far more accomplished James McAvoy, Bill Hader, Jessica Chastain, James Ransone, Jay Ryan, et al – will continue the tale of the Losers Club 27 years later. We know New Line made a wise decision by rehiring writer Gary Dauberman and director Andy Muschietti (Chastain reunites with the MAMA helmer), and we damn sure know the hefty King novel is worthy of at least five hours of onscreen entertainment. Let’s hope however, as the trailer teases if not suggests, that Pennywise does a little more with his fangs this go-around. Okay, a lot more!
#4. THE NIGHTINGALE (AUGUST 2ND) – The benefit of making a movie as truly scary and ubiquitously lauded as THE BABADOOK, is that your next movie automatically cracks the Top 5 of pretty much every most anticipated movie list. Such certainly holds true for Jennifer Kent’s follow-up film THE NIGHTINGALE, a period-set genre-bender that has been garnering lavish praise from those who saw it during last year’s festival circuit. Italian TV actress Aisling Francioso (great name) stars a Clare, an Irish con on the lam through Tasmanian wild. As she chases a British chap, Clare links up with an Aborigine tracker who’s got his own f*cked up baggage. From there, violence strikes! THE NIGHTINGALE won two awards at the 2018 Venice Film Festival, including a Special Jury Prize.
#3. THE DEAD DON’T DIE (JUNE 14TH) – The best cast ever disassembled. I wouldn’t be surprised if the trenchant Jim Jarmusch wrote that tagline himself for his new star-studded, seemingly-out-of-nowhere zom-com THE DEAD DON’T DIE. Aside from a killer title, the flick features Bill Murray (has Murray ever played a cop before?), Chloe Sevigny, Adam Driver, Tilda Swinton, Rza, Steve Buscemi, Iggy Pop, Tom Waits, Sigourney Weaver, Danny Glover, Rosie Perez, Carol Kane and more. Simply put, this is bound to be an uproariously subversive take on a trampled popular horror subgenre from the view of a noncommercial auteur. I loved what Jarmusch did with vampires in ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE, but this is clearly a more decidedly comedic spin. It’s what summertime fun is all about. Can’t wait!
#2. ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD (JULY 26TH) – Given Tarantino’s intended quality over quantity output, not to mention the need to rebound after what many considered HATEFUL EIGHT a letdown, a new release of his always becomes priority appointment viewing. Fortunately for us Arrow in the Headers, we finally get a chance to cover one of his ultra-violent and self-reflexive cinematic send-ups in full when ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD drops this summer. Loosely based on real life events that transpired in tinsel town in the late ‘60s, including the horrifying Manson family murders, Tarantino has assembled quite possibly his most impressive cast to date. Shit. DiCaprio. Pitt. Pacino. Russell. Dern. Roth. Madsen. Oliphant. Robbie as Sharon Tate. Too damn good to miss!
#1. MIDSOMMAR (JULY 3RD) – I’m not bending folks. I stand tall with the belief that, when you turn in the most terrifying movie I’ve seen in the decade doing this shite, you best believe that Ari Aster earns the utmost deference when it comes to the single most anticipated movie of not just the summer, but for me personally, the whole of 2019. And so, yes, even with the ungodly expectations placed by no one but myself on Aster’s new sun-drenched tale of naughty Nordic festivity, MIDSOMMAR, I won’t waver for a second. Besides, HEREDITARY had just as many expectations attached to it before going it, and it still utterly bowled my ass over. It’s such a bruising experience that I own the DVD and still haven’t re-watched it. As for MIDSOMMAR, it focuses on a couple whose relationship is on the rocks, and decides to patch things up by attending a summer festival in Sweden. Ancient rituals and sacrificial measures will be taken. So apparently, has this girl’s head!
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